Accidentally in Code

Tag: books

  • Book: How F*cked Up is Your Management?

    Book: How F*cked Up is Your Management?

    how_fucked_up.jpgHow F*cked Up is Your Management? is a collection of essays, many of which I’d already read on Medium. I did like it though – there’s a value to reading a curated collection the builds upon each other. Also, I want to support people writing things that I appreciate.

    Some of it’s really good and actionable – like the stuff about hard conversations, but some things (like hiring product people and what good product people do) lacked some depth. It sold me on the idea… But I didn’t know where to start with the execution.

    One thing: whilst the book talks well about diversity and inclusion, but I think only cited men as management resources (and one of them is pretty problematic), so that was a bit disappointing.

    Overall: short read and worth the time.

  • Book: The Four Tendencies

    Book: The Four Tendencies

    four-tendenciesThe Four Tendencies framework was one of the most helpful things I got from Better than Before, so I was happy it got it’s own book (Amazon). Having read Better than Before, and following Gretchen Rubin’s blog for years I did wonder if there was more I could get out of it, but once again reminded myself that there’s value in the curated long form version even if a lot of the ideas have already been blogged.

    The framework is all about how people respond to expectations. It’s helpful in how narrow it is.

    Obliger: meet outer expectations, struggle to meet inner expectations.

    Upholder: meet outer and inner expectations readily.

    Questioner: meet only the expectations that make sense.

    Rebel: resist all expectations.

    (I’m a questioner)

    The most useful thing I got from the book is understanding how the tendencies interact with one another. And particularly, as a manager, how the ways in which I think about expectations might interact with how others respond to the expectations I set – explicitly or implicitly. I realised, for example, I’m liable to inadvertently stress out obligers for two main reasons. One, I tend to ask questions rather than set expectations – which can leave them wondering what my expectations are. Two, because I’m not naturally sympathetic to “obliger burnout” – if someone is doing a bunch of stuff for other people that’s making them miserable, my natural reaction is to ask them why they’re doing it (rather than, you know, thank them).

    One tidbit about questioners – they (we?) hate being questioned. I didn’t want to believe this about myself but it’s true, I often react like “I have thought this through, you know” even if I try very hard for that to be a private reaction and not a public one. Perhaps that’s part of why I find unsolicited advice so annoying!

     

     

  • Book: A Beautiful Constraint

    Book: A Beautiful Constraint

    beautiful_constraint.jpgI found A Beautiful Constraint (Amazon) really helpful and interesting. I found it articulated a way that I think naturally (systems thinking / constraints in general) and gave me some extra tools to work with.

    The first tool is the idea of embracing certain constraints. E.g. needing to reduce water consumption, and instead of setting the minimum goal, setting such an extreme goal that it forces your thinking to change entirely. E.g. instead of asking “how do we reduce water consumption”, asking ” how can we halve water consumption” in growing a crop.

    This relates to the second tool of asking propelling questions. For example, instead of asking “how do we get everyone to wear a safety mask”, ask “how do we make it so that people don’t _need_ safety masks”, and then the specific question that ensues (in that example, a completely different kind of glue).

    A third technique is reframing the questions. Instead of saying “we can’t… because…” say “we can… if we…”.

    As part of reading this and the course I was taking, I ended up producing a 13 page document that worked through the constraints the team has broken through this year – and the ones we are currently working on. It was a cathartic, emotionally draining, clarifying (look how far we’ve come!) exercise, and the book really helped me and influenced the way I approached it.

    This is another book on the male-and-pale reading list I’ve been working through. I actually do recommend this one, but a good alternative would be Thinking in Systems.

  • Book: The War of Art

    Book: The War of Art

    Book Cover for "the war of art"The War of Art (Amazon) is a book that could only have been written by a white religious man. Note: generally not the demographic I’m seeking reading materials from. The first two parts are essentially about a puritanical work ethic. The third part is some spiritual woo woo about creativity, and includes a little section on how people who embrace their dreams sometimes see their cancer go into remission – wtf, this is such harmful, ridiculous victim blaming.

    I hated it. But perhaps the issue for me is that I don’t need a pep talk to work hard. So it talks about sitting down and doing stuff and I’m like…. check. And then it grow on and on and on about sitting down and doing stuff and elaborate excuses that can be made but… this isn’t really an issue I have, so I was just annoyed. And then it got into the spiritual nonsense and I was just like… this is an hour of my life I’ll never get back. It reads more like a medium series that I would abandon two posts in than an actual book available on printed paper.

    Conclusion: if you feel like what you need is brutal tough love from a dude lacking in empathy, this is your jam. If not, there are almost an infinite number of books to read instead. For productivity, I would start with 168 Hours.

  • Book: Thanks for the Feedback

    Book: Thanks for the Feedback

    thanks_for_the_feedbackThe premise of Thanks for the Feedback (Amazon) is that we should get better at receiving feedback. I started feeling a little resentful of that because I think most feedback is bad (and quickly turns into advice). But I quickly got over it because the book is really helpful, and yes, it gave me some better tools to receive feedback, but that’s not passive – it gave me ways to be more involved in the feedback so that I get the kind of feedback I want and need in a way that is useful. AND it gave me some tools to better give feedback, too.

    I was recommending this book to people before I had finished it, so spoiler: I think it’s great and I really recommend it (especially if feedback is important part of your job, e.g. you’re a manager). But some highlights that I pulled from it:

    • We have three reactions to feedback: truth, relationship and identity.
      • Truth: just feels wrong – it’s not inline with the facts we have.
      • Relationship: this is a reaction to your relationship with the feedback giver.
      • Identity: makes you question how you see yourself.
    • Three types of feedback: appreciation, coaching and evaluation.
      • Appreciation: I see you and I value you.
      • Coaching: direction / suggestions / guidance.
      • Evaluation: where are you?
      • We need to distinguish between types – often we hear evaluation in coaching, and it makes us anxious. We might need the evaluation before we can get the coaching.
    • “Wrong spotting” in feedback: where we look for what is wrong about the feedback and reasons to discount it. Look for what could be write about it instead.
    • Feedback is where information becomes judgement, skewed via the experiences of the person giving it.
      • To understand the information, ask questions.
    • Blind spot: we focus on our intentions and the situation, others focus on our impact.
    • Feedback is a mirror: honest mirrors and supportive mirrors.
      • Our friends are often supportive mirrors, don’t necessarily say what they really think.
      • Need honest mirrors. Ask “how am I getting in my own way?”
    • Look at a system: it’s rare that just one person needs to change, there are interactions.
      • Take a step back, look at the system, break the cycles.
    • Take a growth mindset and score yourself for how you respond to the feedback – not just what the feedback is.
      • The first score is the feedback (the evaluation).
      • The “second score” is what you do with it.
      • Doing well with the second score pays off over time.
    • You get to have boundaries around feedback: what you want, when you want it, who you choose to accept it from.
      • It’s fine to set those boundaries. If you choose not to take it, and it effects others, work with them to mitigate it.
    • Coach your coach – understand how you take feedback best, and help them give it to you in a way you can process.
  • Book: Radical Candor

    Book: Radical Candor

    I'd heard about Radical Candor (Amazon) a lot but was put off by some of the things I saw about gender differences. Two colleagues finally convinced me to read it.It's a more applied lens on the concepts in Leadership and Self-Deception, and similar core to it is seeing other colleagues as human beings. The framework of radical candor / obnoxious aggression / ruinous empathy is helpful – the two axes ("care personally" and "challenge directly") help push towards productive conversations.Some other helpful concepts that came up in the book:Growth. Not everyone is ambitious (all the time), and people are ambitious for different things. This is actually part of a healthy team.
    • Self care. I like that she makes this foundational. I've found it to be very true.
    • Getting to know you 1:1s. A series of 1:1s where you get to know someone's life story, ambitions and then tie it to their current work. Seems like an interesting idea, albeit a scary one (the life story!).
    The chapter on gender is as bad as I feared – worse, even. It's more concerned with how men feel about gendered interactions than how women experience structural sexism. It caught me by surprise, because there's a lot of good up to that point and as I approached that chapter I realized it was really exciting to read a book on leadership by a woman (still a novelty) that addressed things like the likability gap. And then… an entire chapter of harmful nonsense.This leaves me conflicted on whether or not I recommend it. But I think it's worth reading critically – there are helpful concepts, but there is also some stuff that is very problematic and unlikely to help the goal of inclusive management.
  • Book: Superhuman Social Skills

    Book: Superhuman Social Skills

    51veiDalVTL._SL250_.jpgAs I read Superhuman Social Skills (Amazon) I couldn’t stop thinking that the guy who wrote it used to be into pickup. There’s something cynical about the approach that makes me uncomfortable.

    I care a lot about being a good friend, and got some ideas about how to do better in social situations I’m less comfortable with… and also some ideas that I don’t plan to try. It’s also all this guy’s personal experience; there’s very little data or research (maybe just one study). I don’t know how much else is out there on this topic, but all in all I don’t think this is the best read.

  • Book: The Anatomy of Peace

    Book: The Anatomy of Peace

    anatomy_of_peace.jpgLast year I re-read Leadership and Self-Deception, so this year I decided it was time to re-read the sequel – The Anatomy of Peace (actually set before Leadership and Self-Deception). I read these books for the first time a long time ago… in 2010? My manager at IBM recommended them. I internalized the lessons and think about them a lot – but sometimes it’s helpful to refer back to the original for a refresher.

    The way Leadership and Self-Deception explains things is a better way to have a conversation at work about these concepts. The Anatomy of Peace takes you more into your own behavior and inner world to consider where you are living them – and where you are falling short. I found it helpful, and I really recommend both of them – although I would definitely start with Leadership and Self-Deception over the Anatomy of Peace. I think leaving six months to a year between reading them is also good – gives you time to internalize and live with things a bit before revisiting.