Accidentally in Code

Tag: life

  • This Week

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    Life

    I’ve been feeling a bit flat lately, like I was doing little other than work, workout, and sleep (longer but at a lower quality than usual). So I’ve been making some changes, firstly I cut back on keeping food in my apartment – this drives me out in the morning at the weekend, and makes me more mindful about what I’m eating. I’ll venture out and get something if I’m actually hungry, not because it’s dinner time and there’s something in the fridge and I’m operating on auto-pilot. I’ve also ramped up my swimming again after having to take a break. Finally, I’m being strict about one work from home day a week, and on other days staying until 6 and leaving my laptop behind, rather than leaving early, taking it with me, and then working from home. And also not getting on the tube at the closest station, which is always super busy and stressful.

    Finally, finally, I’m feeling better. More energetic, more engaged in the world, more creative. Although I think this is probably more related to discovering that something I wanted was not going to happen. I’ve been working like crazy for the last 6 months to try and set myself up for it, so I would have thought I’d be devastated. But actually I just feel… liberated relief. And I can stop working quite so hard – I think I’ve cancelled more vacation days than I’ve actually taken this year, and those that I have taken have not been relaxing! Like… moving into my apartment, giving a talk, helping out at a Stemettes event.

    I’ve been saving my vacation to go to Tuvalu at the end of the year, but the friend I was going to go with can’t make it. Undecided about what I’ll do instead, maybe Thailand? I also want to go to Seoul. Probably still going to use it up for a long trip, as I plan to give up my apartment at the end of September and move somewhere new at the end of the year/start of next year.

    Working on a new Secret Project with a friend, which is really fun so far.

    Work

    OK. There are some things that are really annoying lately, but my actual work is going pretty well. I saw something I had been working on for the last few months all fitting together, which was exhilarating.

    Media

    All finished The New Adventures of the Old Christine (yay), now watching Veep Season 2.

    Reading The One and Only (good so far) and Gravitas.

    Saw Forbidden Broadway, which was hilarious and amazing.

    Places

    Thai at Addie’s, Brunch at Bill’s (hummus!), tapas from Brindisa (meh), ice cream at 3BIS (amazing).

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  • 5 Things I Like About London

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    I mostly hate living in London, and plan to follow this with a post with the 5 things I hate most about it. But let’s start with the positives.

    1. Culture

    There is so much art, much of it free, and great theatre (often with cheap tickets available on weeknights) that my goal to do something cultural every week is easily achieved with a plethora of options.

    2. People Visit

    I find that people I know come through London regularly, which is great. It seems like roughly every month someone I know is passing through, and it’s great to get dinner or brunch and catch up.

    3. Flights to Europe

    Yes, one of my favourite things here is the ability to leave. Popping over to the continent for the weekend is cheap and easy, with a choice of international airports (after living in Ottawa and KW, I vowed never to live in a city without an international airport ever again – I know YOW is international, but it is accessed by a one-lane-in-each-direction road, which is ridiculous).

    4. Economically Vibrant

    In the tech industry at least, there appears to be a lot going on – startups, events, and I get pinged more often than before by recruiters, some of the jobs are actually appealing (as opposed to the “come take a significant paycut to work for this unknown company”, although those do still happen).

    5. Architecture

    I like looking at the buildings in London, and wondering around and seeing how the style changes. I really like the mix of old and new.

  • This Week

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    Life

    My week consisted of just work and the gym, but I had a wonderfully social weekend – my friend’s engagement party on a boat, brunch, and the V&A. Also managed to get in some Cate-time – gym, reading a novel, etc.

    Work

    Busy exhausting, but in a good way. I feel like my project and my little team are coming together, which is cool. Presented to my VP, which was nerve wracking but went well.

    Media

    Watching The New Adventures of the Old Christine. Read Before We Met (gripping!) and finished The Inheritance (meh). Still reading Gravitas.

    Saw Unauthorised Banksy (actually two weeks ago, but forgot to include it) which was great, and A Simple Space at the Udderbelly which was fantastic – circus but with the least equipment, the performers mostly using each other. My friend and I were super inspired!

    Went to the V&A for (as usual!) the clothes – Italian Fashion and Wedding Dresses exhibit that is currently on. I much preferred the Italian Fashion, there’s not a huge amount of variation in white gowns, although Gwen Stefani, and Dita Von Teese did wear really cool ones.

    Places

    Sushi at Dozo, meringues at Aux Marveilleux. Brunch at The Troubador Cafe, and Bill’s (love their hummus). Dinner from Stick and Bowl, Zizzi (meh), Ping Pong, Mind-blowing chocolate from Choccywoccydoodah.

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  • This Week

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    Life

    Pretty low key this week, feeling really wrung out. Friend’s birthday, and tried to go to the theatre with another friend but discovered that I had booked the tickets for the following day, so just went for a wonder and some sushi instead.

    Submitted a talk to a conference, so we’ll see how that goes.

    Work

    Exhausting. Feels a bit two steps forwards one step back at the moment… telling myself that is still progress. Wrote a lot of code this week, which is always nice. Hosted a work experience student for half a day.

    Media

    Watching latest episodes of How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Currently watching The New Adventures of The Old Christine, which I’m not sure I like now I’ve hit season 2. She seemed much nicer and smarter in season 1.

    Reading The Inheritance, which I’m not really getting into so far.

    Product links Amazon.

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  • (…)

    Adorable Animal Background Beautiful Brown
    Credit: Pixabay / PublicDomainPictures

    I’ve been in a bit of an emotional funk for the last week or so, and I really wanted to snap out of it this weekend.

    I made myself go to the gym, and that didn’t work (actually I felt worse). I wrote something, but concluded it was rubbish. I went on an adventure with a friend, which kinda worked but then I didn’t really know what to do.

    I read this post on Captain Awkward about breaking out of a low mood cycle (which was great), and this post on procrastinating (is it procrastinating when you just don’t feel like doing anything?)

    And then I decided the best thing for me to do was ship something. So I worked on putting my Image Filter app online. I discovered the New Way to embed Processing apps (Processing.js), updated all my other apps which are way simpler, and so was a good way to figure out how it works.

    It’s not quite done, but I do feel slightly better.

    It it ironic that the procrastination post inspired me to take this strategy? Because in the end I was doing what I wanted to do, rather than what I should do. It was nice.

  • This Week

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    Life

    I don’t even know what I did this week, been so stressed lately and it’s been catching up with me. Not sleeping well, etc. I think I’m getting less stressed, and that things are better, but it’s been going long enough now that I just feel worn down by it. Missed mid-week kettlebell workout because I spent an evening with a headache so bad I could barely stand up, which sucked. Just trying to relax and be kind to myself, really.

    Went out to a Girls in Tech event (VC and entrepreneur panel, pretty cool), met up with a woman doing a startup, and had brunch with a Canadian visiter.

    Work

    My little tiny team now has an intern! Which is exciting. So trying to define what we are doing, how we communicate etc. Wrote lots of code.

    Hosted an internal showing of the ENIAC programmers documentary, which is so amazing. I’m so lucky to have got to see it a second time!

    Media

    Watched season 1 of Suburgatory (light relief), catching up on The Good Wife, How I Met Your Mother, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

    Product links Amazon.

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  • Making Someplace New, Home

    tiny clay houses
    Credit: Flickr / D. Ferragamo

    I’ve had this conversation multiple times lately, so it’s time to document it. I feel like a hippocrite offering these observations, since I don’t feel at all at home in London yet, but at least I’m mindfully unhappy about it.

    Even somewhat 1-dimensional workaholics have multiple aspects to their lives (they normally have somewhere to sleep, for example). Most of us have many. Mine are:

    Career: Where am I working, what am I working on, am I learning, progressing, appreciated?
    Friends (and Family): Who do I hang out with? Who can I call if I need to chat? Do we have standing dates?
    Life Infrastructure: Apartment, commute, food, gym, airport (where can I go for a weekend?).
    Culture: Art, theatre.
    Romance: Who I’m dating, or the dating scene if I’m single.

    Typically, a move is driven by one of the big two (career, romance), but everything else changes too. You have to work to build up the other aspects of your life, or in the case of the Life Infrastructure category just accept that they are different.

    Career

    If you move for your career, that is a lot of pressure to put on your job. If your job is the major thing in your life, and it sucks, then you life sucks. Sometimes it is going to suck. I moved to Sydney for career/life infrastructure/culture reasons (I wanted to live in a city again). For the first 6 months, my career was great – I was doing exactly what I wanted to do, I got promoted, I felt stretched in the right ways. Later it kinda started to suck. And I was so grateful that I had friends outside of work, that I could call and cry on.

    And then I moved to London so that I would have a better job – I evaluated the data on what helps women in tech (essentially, a sponsor), I found it. I followed it. It was a good decision. But because this was a 1-dimensional move, I had to work extra hard on all the other aspects to make them manageable.

    Friends (and Family)

    The book I recommend to everyone who is moving is MWF Seeks BFF. It’s a book about a woman who moves to Chicago for her husband, and how she managed to build a group of BFFs. The big thing: follow up. You ask someone to do something specific, and if they say no you have to ask again. Unless they say, “no I never want to see you again”, of course. If you suggest a theatre show and they say “just not into theatre” you suggest brunch. If you suggest brunch and they tell you they don’t eat out because gluten/money suggest a walk, or a free show somewhere.

    Possibly weird behaviour, but… I read the Londonist, filter through the mass of information, and pull things that appeal to me into a spreadsheet. I add restaurants that appeal to my todo list on foursquare. This means I always have things that I can suggest someone do with me.

    I have managed to get to the point that I will follow up after one rejection, but that’s it. Maybe at some point I will manage to follow up twice.

    Meeting people, get intros, or take courses, I’ve met some great people via Twitter. If someone seems fun and you chat suggest that you get coffee together. Most people will be flattered, and what I’ve found is that there are very few people who already feel like they have too many friends.

    Life Infrastructure

    I tend to choose an apartment by deciding what is important to me, and finding something that fits those criteria. In KW, this was basically “walking distance from office, has a washing machine” – this narrowed it down to one apartment building, which made things very easy. In Sydney, I liked where my friend lived – close to downtown, walkable to work, so I just got (well, she got for me) an apartment in her building. London was harder, but also less pressing because I could commute weekly from my parents place. So, I took the train in for the week, and booked surprise (secret) hotels in different parts of town. This helped me see different parts of town, and get an idea of where I would like to live. Eventually I picked Kensington and Chelsea, now I know more people, I wish I lived in East/Central London, but it’s manageable until October.

    It’s important not to underestimate the misery of the commute. This is well documented in behavioural psychology. Long commutes make people miserable. Don’t do it.

    Other key things: I’m on a tube line that goes direct to Heathrow. My gym is less than a 20 minute walk away, and it’s really nice – a little oasis of calm in a hectic city. There are places to eat, and an M&S nearby so I don’t need to cook (or own plates). These are the things that are important for me.

    Culture

    This is the one thing about London that I have to admit is amazing. I do something cultural every week. I also did this in Sydney, but in London there’s even more. I love the small shows, and that I get to see originals of artists that I’ve seen online and loved – like Liu Bolin (the invisible man), Leonid Tishkov and the Republic of the Moon, The Architecture of Density. There is so much theatre, I got to see I Can’t Sing, which was such a disaster that I doubt it will ever be shown anywhere else, but I really enjoyed. In Sydney, I adored Cockatoo Island, and the Biennale.

    Everywhere has stuff going on. KW was surprisingly vibrant for such a small town – Ignite was a big deal, for example. Find out what’s going on, and go.

    Romance

    The second big reason to move, not that I have ever moved for this reason. If you move for your partner, you have to find a way to create a life for yourself there too. Otherwise, it’s a lot of pressure to put on your relationship, and them.

    If you move for other reasons and leave someone behind, or go long distance… it’s so hard. This I have done. I felt sad, and guilty. They can be resentful, angry. Everyone gets to have their own emotions here. It’s hard to leave; it’s hard to be left.

    The last date I went on was the one with the misogynist that I live tweeted, after which I decided to take 6 months off dating. But typically if I’m single, I try and go on dates. I have to put myself out there, and it’s a good way to see things and meet people – even if you don’t end up in a relationship with them. The thing, I think, is not to let it become a distraction. It’s easier to find date-dates than friend-dates, so don’t focus on it to the exclusion of other aspects of your life.

    In Summary…

    Your life has more than one dimension! Think about what these dimensions are. The dimensions that suck the most after you move are the places which require the most effort. Don’t neglect them.

  • This Week

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    Life

    Last year was rough, and even though things are a lot better now, I feel like I’m still experiencing… emotional aftershocks. I felt that this week. I’m not in The Dark Place anymore, but sometimes I’m reminded of it, and I see it again, and it scares me. But I went to the gym (I finally have a gym buddy!) and played with kettlebells, hung out with friends, saw my parents. Made time to read novels. Drank lots of tea and water. It’s OK.

    I had this revelation during an early morning spin class last week that the power of the early morning workout has little to do metabolism and everything to do with making the thing you do for yourself the most important thing you do that day. The same applies to early morning writing too, I imagine. As the day goes on it’s easy to get caught up in other people’s demands, and priorities, and expectations. There’s something very centring about knowing that I already did something for myself, that no subsequent events can destroy. If anything, this is making it harder for me to make it to the gym first thing, and I have failed to do so ever since. I do prefer working out in the evening. It’s the best way to mentally disconnect and get a good sleep. But maybe I would be happier if I could consistently get up at 6am.

    Speakers for Oredev are up! And I am on there!

    Work

    Was expecting to head back to Seattle this weekend, but turns out I’m not. Stress levels reduced as a result! Have let go of the superstition that the last time I didn’t take a work trip Bad Things Ensued.

    Challenging technically this week – I pushed to prod! So terrifying. Launched something! So exciting. Finally stages of design and starting to think about what we’ll do next quarter, and it’s looking good.

    Stressful, but the good kind of stress – when I get to the other side of this, I’ll be better technically, a better leader. The kind of stress that promises concrete reward, rather than just… some kind of endurance challenge.

    Places

    Brunch at Hoi Polloi (yummy, but the tiniest eggs on toast ever), sushi at Dozo (treating myself for surviving to Thursday),  Pham (Stemettes meetup), and Cocochan (no more Foursquare special, so sad). Lunch with parents at Palm Court Brasserie (meh).

    Found the cutest shop! Happie Loves It.

    Media

    Catching up on Covert Affairs in the gym, I really don’t know how people watch this show sat in front of the TV. I have to burn off the adrenaline from the drama as it arises. Still reading Gravitas, novel-wise re-read Forget Me Not, and now re-reading Flora’s Lot. Have a hard time finding things to say about novels I’ve read before, but they are a nice mental break without being totally mindless, at least.

    Saw Day to Night at Rook and Raven – super cool pictures, loved it, although wish there had been more non-US pictures (the artists website is here). And Indoor Clouds at Ronchini Gallery, which was OK.

    Product links Amazon.

    Published

    My Returning To The Stage Part 2 post was on the Eloquent Woman (even if you’ve read it before, worth reading her intro). And Anne-Marie and I cowrote something for HuffPo: The Glass Ceiling Is Made of Bad Managers.

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  • Book: A Short Guide To A Happy Life

    A Short Guide To a Happy LifeI like Anna Quindlen’s work, it’s beautiful and thoughtful, poetic without being overly flowery. A Short Guide To a Happy Life is from a commencement speech she never gave because it was cancelled by protesters, beautifully illustrated with pictures.

    It’s short, because really it contains a very simple message: be more than your job, have more in your life than your career, value the people around you.

    Which maybe sounds a little trite when I write it, but doesn’t when she does. So take 15 minutes to have a read.

    “Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won’t happen. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live.”