January 3, 2016, I sent an email to 66 friends from CGD. In it, I wrote about falling in love with the Eiffel tower, spinning around in circles, and the entwined history of luggage and travel.
July 1, 2017, another email from CDG. This time to 322 people. I wrote about an early morning walk through Paris, about going between a social whirl and being alone.
In between, 70 of these. Postcards, love letters, something in between. I call it “Where the Hell is Cate”. It is an art project, an embracing of the transient, a map of the path taken, a musing on the in between. Most of them from airports, two of them from shipping ports. One from a train station. The subject line just the code. A handful sent from places. A letter from Pablo Escobar’s abandoned mansion, the one with the hippos (Hacienda Nápoles). In one I told the story of the kettle I left in Australia… I called it “Home”.
There’s a format. One picture – I’ve found I look at the world, experience photography differently, when I am trying to pick out only one. One favourite thing – a reminder to find the unique experience, the best moment of appreciation in every place. An essay. In the first letter I included this idea of “unexpected joy”. When I flew out of LHR after the Brexit vote, I forgot to find the piece of happiness. When I arrived at EZE still shaken from seeing a corpse on the street the night before I had nothing else to say. When I flew out of BUD, I shared a cab with a random woman, who turned out to be a friend of a friend and there was no essay. Each exception has it’s own story.
When you travel a lot, especially when you travel a lot for work, it’s easy for everything to blur, to lose sight of what you love about it, to decide to explore next time rather than right now. The act of choosing a favourite thing, the act of appreciation, connects me to the place and time.
Sometimes it’s easy. When I saw a giant sea turtle lay eggs in the middle of the night (SJO). Or when I edged around a rubbish dump, walked along an abandoned runway, and found myself standing on an abandoned WWII lookout point at the edge of an island that felt like the edge of the world (FUN). When my friends and I snagged last minute tickets to the Harry Potter play (LHR). Sometimes it’s hard to choose or describe. The river of five colors (LMC). Guatapé, the view from the top of El Penol, or the beautiful, eerie, abandoned La Manuela. The owl cafe – or the hedgehog cafe – or the bunny cafe (HND). The aquarium, or finally seeing the DMZ from the other side (ICN). The month I spent skiing every morning before work (TCL). My birthday adventure (MXP).
And sometimes it’s hard to find a moment of joy. When the startup I was working at failed, and I packed up my life (MDE). When I said goodbye to my east coast home (EWR). When I was being stalked and threatened (SEA). When I visited the ghost of the life I left behind (SYD).
It’s easy to start selling on social media. Selling an idea of a life we’re not really living. We’re not really that happy, or that angry, or that good– not all the time – life is made up mostly of in betweens. A blog post always needs a point. A thing to take away. I need to succeed in public, on the internet. As my “followers” have ticked upwards, my ability to be myself has slid down. My photo blog would lead you to believe I lead a charmed life – and in many ways I do – but the nuances of that are more safely explored in another place, without a character limit, or a “like” button. A place to be imperfect, and incomplete.
At the end of each one, I include a postscript.
People write back. By email. By Twitter. By iMessage. By GChat. In person. They join me on my adventure as it ends, or sometimes weeks later – that’s the nature of email. Sometimes people write me an airport goodbye, as they begin – or end – an adventure of their own. Often these are my “IRL friends”, the reason why this started, who I’m closer to as a result. We plan our next adventure, and exchange snippets about our lives. The burden of keeping a correspondence is high, and so we embraced the “ambient awareness” of social media. But this project has created a new kind of space, where we correspond without pressure, and we know there will always be this prompt to resume. Another airport. Another adventure. Another story. Another goodbye.
Sometimes they are internet friends. I went straight from ORD to meet friends for dinner. One of them had hired a designer, given her a brief, and made stickers. She put them in a card, with a lovely message. It was the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever done for me, and this project – that grew out of postcards I sent my friends – was paper once again.
And sometimes they are strangers. One of them called me his “imaginary friend”. Another wrote me this:
“First, you talk about feeling a sense of gratitude for people who go first. The implication seems to be that you don’t, but I disagree. The fact that you let strangers into your life via these personal updates is very “Where the Hell is Cate?” to the point where I have to remind myself that it is, in fact, a very asymmetric friendship.”
And one of them, went from a friend of a friend to being my boss. She forwarded him a letter. He subscribed. As my last job ended, he reached out.
I created this project to stay in touch with my friends, to create a space to be real – vulnerable – long form. Whilst it hasn’t grown in scope, the meaning has grown beyond what I ever imagined. It’s given me a different format, helped me grow as a storyteller and a writer. It’s prompted me to step back and see how I’ve grown as a person.
There are three letters total from CDG. The first, the most recent, and one other. In that one, I talk about how I found my friend Natasha at the Gare Du Nord. I sent a letter from SXP and she realized we were both on trains, heading to the same place, at the same time. We got something to eat, and walked underneath the Eiffel tower and along the Seine to the miniature Statue of Liberty.
Now she’s in Thailand, and I’m in Colombia. But soon, we’ll be reunited in NYC. And she’ll know I’m coming, because I’ll send an email with subject: MDE.
According to Air Canada, I racked up 89,121 miles this year. I don’t know how accurate this is, because it includes bonus miles and excludes a number of flights – including a flight I had rebooked from Seoul after a delay (somehow no-one has a record and I never got the the points – grr), and round trip from the UK to Tuvalu (miles / different airline).
I sent 52 Where the Hell is Cate letters, some of them from “home”, but almost all of them when I left one place to go to another. Each of them contained a favourite thing – which really helped me get out and explore places I went, and find something to appreciate – even on rushed work trips.
Countries Visited
France. I started the year in Paris, taking a little trip to practise my French and fall in love with the Eiffel Tower.
UK. I went back and forth to the UK in order to maintain my insurance, but spent very little quality time there. Highlights were a weekend in London catching up with friends, and The Lead Developer.
Colombia. My home for most (well, ±5 months) of this year. I spent most of the time in Medellín, but ventured more deeply into the country as my Spanish improved.
USA. Frequently for work. I spent a lot of time in New York, which was great because I have so many friends there. I also returned to San Francisco for the first time in ages, and it was great to hang out with so many friends there, too. I visited Detroit and Austin for the first time.
Canada. I flew through Canada several times, but mainly didn’t leave the airport. I did have one night there where I got to see a friend, which was awesome.
Japan. I spoke at Try!Swift, but I also managed to achieve a life goal – and meet some owls.
South Korea. Vacation! Finally got to see the DMZ from the other side – something I’ve been wanted to do for ages. Another life goal.
Portugal. Spent two weeks in Lisbon, exploring by night and catching up with a friend for some quality time. I didn’t see many of the tourist sites, but I had a really nice, productive time.
Argentina. Went to Córdoba for work, and returned at the end of the year to Buenos Aires to spend a few months.
Costa Rica. Vacation. Saw a giant sea turtle laying eggs – amazing! And engaged in adventure tourism – super fun! [postcard]
Hungary. Between-jobs break. Roamed around Budapest, and spent a lot of time in the spa.
Tuvalu. Life goal. Indescribably beautiful. Wonderfully remote. Extremely chill. [postcard]
Fiji. Part of the Tuvalu trip, for the break between jobs. Really enjoyed Suva especially.
Australia. Returned to Sydney for the first time since I lived there. Great to see some of my favourite people again.
Brazil. Quick trip from BA to São Paulo for the Bienal. An amazing weekend!
Uruguay. Took a boat from BA to Montevideo for a break over new year. It’s a wonderful city!
Highlights
A lot of my travel in the first half of the year was dictated by work and commitments, but the second half of this year I travelled more for fun, which was awesome. I feel like I really took advantage of the time I took off between jobs! And I was happy that I got to experience 3 life goals this year – the owls, the DMZ, and Tuvalu.
I also visited 7 new countries, which is really cool! South Korea, Argentina, Costa Rica, Hungary, Tuvalu, Fiji, and Uruguay. Eventually I’ll make it to all of them.
Ages ago, I set myself a goal that I go somewhere new every year. If you know anything about me, this might seem ridiculously low – but we all start somewhere. I didn’t leave Europe until I was 22.
This year was a good year for adventures, though! Mainly my travel writing goes in Where the Hell is Cate, but as the year ends, here are the 12 coolest things I saw.
12. Pablo Escobar’s Vehicles
Escobar’s first plane
Helicopter
Model dino for Escobar’s son
Model dinos for Escobar’s son
Model dino for Escobar’s son
Model dino for Escobar’s son
Hippos!
Capybaras!
Cuteness
At Hacienda Nápolés, Pablo Escobar’s country retreat, is the collection of cars – many of which were burnt out. It’s not your average mogul mansion, because it’s a ruin – it was decided that it was unconscionable to preserve it. You can also find a herd of hippos, surprisingly dangerous creatures (just the thing to eat your enemies, provided there’s space for them). Although there’s a special hippo, “amiga Vanessa”, who was more like a family pet.
There’s also a museum that documents the horrors – most people in Colombia were affected in some way.
Hacienda Nápolés is a bizarre place, not like anywhere else you’ll see. But if you’re in the vicinity (it’s between Medellín and Bogotá) worth checking out. You can take a tour in a golf cart, which sounds very lazy, but it’s extremely hot. There’s also an African museum, and capybaras, and enormous model dinosaurs for Escobar’s son.
11. The Statue of Liberty
View from the boat
It’s shocking how many times I had been to NYC without seeing this – a hazard of going mostly for work, I guess, since it takes a while. I walked to Battery park, where I met my friend G, and we took the boat. The statue is a pretty amazing sight as the boat approaches. Afterwards, we went to the museum – which is fascinating. Later the same day, I saw the statue again from the top of the Empire State Building. Another cool thing to do in NYC.
10. Giant Mechanical Flower
The Floralis Genérica is one of the sights of Buenos Aries. The petals are more open during the day, and close at night. After seeing it during the day, I sat there for two hours waiting for them to close. Eventually everyone was kicked out because the park shut. It was worth the wait to watch it light up purple, though.
9. The Eiffel Tower
Me! Up at the top!
I didn’t expect the Eiffel Tower to be so cool – I felt somewhat inured to it, because there are so many images of it everywhere. However up close it’s incredible – the scale is so impressive. When you get up to the top, the views are amazing, and Eiffel’s apartment at the top, wow.
8. Degas’ Ballerina
I saw a lot of cool art this year, but my favourite was two more of Degas’ ballerina, La Petite Danseuse de quatorze ans – a piece I first fell in love with when I saw it in Copenhagen. I saw one at the Musée d’Orsay (Paris), and another at the Met (NYC). I love her pose, like she’s just doing her.
I saw some amazing pieces at the São Paulo Bienel, and at the newly reopened SFMOMA. The weirdest piece of art I saw was Maurizio Cattelan’s America.
7. The DMZ from the other side
In 2013, I went to North Korea. This year, I finally made it to Seoul where I got to see the DMZ from the other side. Seeing this place from both sides, and hearing the story that each side tells gives a pretty unique perspective on the history.
6. El Peñón
One of my favourite places in Colombia, I went solo and loved it, and later I returned to with my Alice when she came to visit. El Peñón is an enormous rock that you can climb. From the top, there are extraordinary views of the reservoir and surrounding areas. The best time to climb is first thing in the morning – if you make good time, you’ll get to be alone up there for a while. I also love to go up at the end of the day and watch the sun set. It’s a special place.
One of my favourite little stories about the rock is the partially written name on it – because of the disputed ownership between the towns of Guatapé and El Peñol. We rented a jet ski and drove around it (the algae jammed the engine and left us stranded…). We also hired a boat to go and explore La Manuela, Pablo Escobar’s bombeed out mansion. They have paintballing, but we just took the tour.
5.Feminist Shark
It me, gazing upon Feminist Shark
Of course, I wore my “FEMINIST” hoodie.
In January, Feminist Shark made the news because she ate a male shark for being annoying. This was at the COEX Aquarium, in Seoul, so when I was in Seoul I went to pay homage to her and see if I can learn anything. Bonus: the fish tanks are so creative and cool! I love the telephone box!
4. IRL Owls
Seriously, I just LOVE owls, and in Tokyo I got to meet some. They are soft and beautiful and wonderful. I went with my friend Michelle and took a lot of owlfies.
Bonus: I also met bunnies and hedgies. Cat cafe’s are so 2010.
3. Caño Cristales
Caño Cristales is an extraordinary place. It’s also known as “the river of five colors”, because the river is extremely colorful – due to a particular kind of algae. It’s right in the middle of FARC territory, but the town is safe, although there’s a big military presence. I hung out with a boy named Jesus.
2. A Sea Turtle
I watched a sea turtle laying eggs and burying them, then slowly making her way back to the ocean.
1. A Lookout Post at the End of the World
I went to the indescribably beautiful Tuvalu. I rode my trusty scooter to the end of the island, made my way around a fence, walked past a trash dump, along an abandoned runway, and climbed through a swamp. Then I found myself at the remains of a World War II lookout post. It was amazing.
0. My friends
I had some amazing adventures this year, some with people and some solo. But I also hung out with people I adore on four different continents. We did some cool things (including being pet by a Grover in Times Square), we also just… hung out. I’m so grateful for the amazing people in my life, because time with them was the coolest thing of all.
Sometimes, since I ditched my job, and apartment, and conventional aspects of life, really, people ask me “how are you”, in a head tilted way that asks, really, “how can you possibly be okay”.
And I say “I’m GREAT” which maybe seems like I’m overstating things, putting a brave face on terrible regret.
But really… I am doing great. I feel very happy. Very free.
I’m going to have to make some tough decisions, but that’s cool, I’ve demonstrated to myself that I have options.
And meanwhile, I get out of bed every morning excited about what I’m going to do today. I go to bed feeling like I’ve achieved things, even if not always the most important things (I’m working on that). The worse I feel is overwhelm, and the good kind that says, I can’t do everything so I’m going to have to pick some things and how will I decide.
It is at once liberating and terrifying to feel in control of my own life. To have stopped listening to what I’m told I should want, and what should make me happy and to listen instead to what actually does.
I’ve had horrible writers block lately. The list of things I can’t write yet (or maybe ever) drowns out the things I would like to. And so a Deadline Looms because according to the schedule I’m due to write something and I sit with my laptop open, a blank screen in front of me, and try and pick the least objectionable, the least intimidating thing.
Which is pretty depressing. But I persist. Mostly because I worry that if I let myself stop, I might never start again.
I remember when I started working at Google, how hard it was to write anything. How I went from blogging my way through grad school, things I learned, things I made, to a place where there were so many things I couldn’t share, that I became afraid to say anything.
Eventually I found a way to start writing again, where I could share things, and data, and insights. Directions and thoughts influenced by my day job, or sometimes what my day job was not. Found a way to somehow be open, and yet barely mention the place which took half my waking hours and more of my headspace.
I think it is hard to share and be open through periods of transition. Because they look a lot like chaos, from the outside. But in the midst of it, that thing that looks like choas is actually the only path that makes sense to the Bright Light that is the Next Adventure.
Here is to Adventures. To the Road Less Travelled. And to being brave enough to hit “publish” once again.
A while ago, someone introduced me to the concept of “Third Culture Kids”.
“Third culture kid (TCK, 3CK) is a term used to refer to children who were raised in a culture outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their development years.”
I remember identifying with some of the aspects, of not knowing where is home, and observing, “I did this to myself”.
There have been many things that I have found weird about returning to the UK. The biggest one is, that is does not feel like home. 7 years is a long time to be away, I guess. Not that I ever identified with many aspects of British culture – the drinking, the football, the somewhat xenophobic attitude to Europe. I do, have always, identified as European. But still. I do not feel British. I also do not sound British, so whilst some people ask where I am from (“Australia?” “America?”, something that I find hilarious as in those countries people always found me extremely English-sounding), sometimes people just give me cultural tips, and express concern about how I’m coping with the weather.
But still. London is not that British a place, it is very multicultural and people from all over the world live there. It looks British, though, the architecture. The large houses carved up into oddly shaped apartments, that’s British. The weather is decidedly British.
The hardest thing for me has been to cope with this feeling of displacement, of not belonging. I loved being an expat, I loved the adventure of it and the feeling of potential. I thrived on the slight feeling of uncertainty, or opportunity – I can leave. The knowledge that I probably would. The extra thrill, when it seemed like everything in my life is in place – I came away and found this, I didn’t settle. Falling in love and thinking, I could stay for you (of course the flip side of this is the pressure it creates).
I guess when I was an expat, it was OK not to belong. Now, I just feel lost. When I was an expat, I had an idea of where I would go next. Now I wonder, is this it?
Unless I move to America, which if you work for an American company comes up regularly. I have never wanted to live in America, either.
I feel this sense of loss. Being an expat was part of my identity. As well as a sense of failure, a dash of resentment to circumstances conspiring. I feel like I used to be a more interesting person, I miss that.
I don’t know how to deal with that. It’s been 6 months. Do I grieve? I think I have. Career-wise, it’s been the best decision I have ever made. Life-wise, I still don’t know.
But I come back around to the Third Culture Kids. Yes, I did this to myself. But these feelings are normal. That is the price you pay for adventures, for knowledge – you know what’s out there, and where you are not.
There were good things. In any trauma the friends who are there all the way through and out the other end are the truly special ones. I visited new places, had adventures – this will also always be the year I went to North Korea. I finally made it to super elite status. I had two things that I wrote on Lifehacker! I actually wrote code for fun. I learned a lot about myself – what I will, and will not put up with. What I have, and should not have put up with.
For 2014, these are the things I hope for.
Keep The Culture.
Whilst living in Sydney, I maintained the tourist attitude I had visiting, and did something cultural pretty much every week (except when travelling, or whilst ill) – going to the theatre, art galleries, museums, walks etc. London is also an amazing place for culture, so I want to keep that up.
More Adventures.
My goal destination for 2014 is Tuvalu. But as I’m in Europe again I want to take advantage of short trips to the continent. I’m also sure there are plenty of adventures to be had in London. Really, I want to keep being open to opportunities. Keep saying yes.
Be an Independent Entity.
I was completely wrapped up in my job until the middle of this year, until I realised that meant that when my job sucked, my life sucked. And so I started carving out time for personal projects, and started writing more, and it has been so, so beneficial.
How do I take this further? I look for more ways to separate my identity from my job. I have some ideas.
Build Things For Humans.
I’m actually cautiously optimistic about work right now. I went looking for a situation where someone would sponsor me – where I would get meaningful things to build, and lead, and was very picky about finding a manager who I liked, and who came highly recommended. I found a place where as someone kindly put it “there’s a you shaped hole”. So far, I feel like there’s a lot of potential to create things that humans will find useful, that I provide some needed expertise, and that that expertise is appreciated.
I know what I want career-wise in 2014, I’m cautiously hopeful that I’ve found a place where I can create that, and be supported in creating that.
Traffic Stats
I can’t believe this website – blog – had over 20,000 unique visitors this year, and about a quarter of visitors returning. I’m just a girl who writes about my life, really. Thanks for stopping by.
Popular Posts
Interviewing @ Google – From over three years ago, containing my interview prep list. Good luck, y’all!
Unfriending on Facebook – Also from long ago, but I guess people are still worrying about being unfriended/how to unfriend.
Prague, March 2013 – Linked from my popular Medium post, and from Lifehacker. Was a great trip! Although I didn’t expect quite so many people to discover I went to the Sex Machines Museum.
Jawbone Up Vs Nike Fuelband – The culmination of 18 months of activity tracking. I destroy things so you don’t have to.
Ottawa, A Love Letter – Wow, it seems so long ago that I left O-town. I wrote this just after I left, reflecting on all the things I learned there and the amazing people I met.
Women In Tech: A Primer – I wrote this with the very basics of the problem, because I’m tired of explaining them.
Stories We Don’t Tell – On the miserable experiences of women in the tech industry, the things we don’t talk about.
Confidence – A piece of advice from one of my mentors, which I thought was the kind of remedial advice only needed by me… but this got such a great response that made it one of my favourite posts this year.
Sunflower Layout in Processing – Code for the layout I wanted to use for my dominant colour in an image project, which turned out not to be a good option for that project – but I guess people are still finding it useful.
How I Learned to Love Solo-Travel – the first post that made it to LifeHacker, because it was picked up by an editor for Medium (thanks John!) I’m actually surprised that this didn’t rank higher, but I guess people read it elsewhere.
Thanks for sharing my adventures – here’s to 2014.
I wish you a year full of awesome adventures and amazing people.
I had had a couple, all too brief days in Tokyo on my way back from North Korea. I hadn’t been to Tokyo for a while (since 2009), and I was excited to see it again, although note to self, it’s a short amount of time to be there considering how long it takes to get downtown from the airport (an hour going through customs, then a long wait to buy a train ticket, then at least another hour on the train, then a short cab ride to the hotel).
I don’t have much time that evening, and I’m tired and still slightly under the weather, so I just get some dinner at the Brooklyn Parlour (nice enough) and have a bit of a wonder.
I meet up with Narelle the following day, and she takes me to a fantastic shopping mall in Harajuku (the fashion district), La Foret. Some of my favourite accessories come from my last trip to Japan, so I’m keen to explore, although not expecting the clothes to fit me. Surprisingly, I find a ton of clothes that look great on me, and buy quite a few dresses, including one that I adore in 3 colours (grey, turquoise, and brown). I also find a cool bag, a belt, and head to the Nike store to see if there are some cute and colourful sneakers. I find some pink ones that I like, but they are mens sizes and don’t come small enough to actually fit me. Disappointing! I also stockpile socks, for me and a friend who also adores socks.
We stop briefly for a snack at an amazing dumpling restaurant, where I discover some kind of miso paste, that is amazing and unexpected, as I don’t like miso soup. Later on, I head to an electronics store to buy headphones (totally normal to buy 4 pairs of headphones when in Japan, am I right?), and cute phone covers. Sadly they don’t have anything for my Nexus 4 (isn’t available in Japan), but the selection of iPhone covers blows my mind. I’m tempted, but stick to the sturdy ones, as I’m prone to dropping things. I like the speck covers (Amazon), so I buy another one in purple.
My flight leaves the following day, but late enough that I have some time to explore, so I head to the National Museum of Modern art. It’s a nice walk, I appreciate the attention to detail of Japanese culture. Where the sidewalk is repaired with tarmac, it’s exactly lined up alongside the paved tiles. The museum contains some beautiful pieces, and I stay longer than intended, meaning there is no time to explore the nearby park before I need to head back to the hotel. I hadn’t allowed time for eating, or getting lost, but the sushi place I found nearby was tasty, and inexpensive. I eat more sushi at the airport, do a little more accessories shopping (gorgeous belts!) and stockpile the divine Royce chocolate before flying back to Sydney, via Singapore.
So I’ve been concocting a plan – come December 2nd, I will be based in London. And October and November are devoted to Adventures. First the Grace Hopper Conference (which was awesome), and then California for an internal leadership course, and as of today… officially non-work-related-adventures.
I’m going to relax in Bali, roam around Barcelona, catch up with friends in Kitchener-Waterloo, see the Northern Lights in Reykjavik, and look for some kind of inner peace on a yoga retreat in Faro (Portugal).
Shorter explanations:
“I’m exploring my alternate career as a travel blogger”
“I’m an international fuckwit of no fixed address”
What do I hope to get out of this?
First up, I just need a break, a chance to reconnect with what I think is important. There’s a freedom that comes from not having to answer to anyone, and weekends and short breaks have not been long enough for me to really connect with and hold onto that.
Secondly, I need to remind myself why I love to make things. This means more time to make things for fun, learn the things that I want to learn just because they are interesting, rather than because they’ll help my career or team or whatever.
Thirdly, I want some distance from this industry, and the appalling treatment of women within it. Every week I encounter new pieces of data, and new stories, and they are not abstract to me, this is the world I live in. I’m hoping a break from this world will help me not connect with these stories and data as much for a while.
Finally, this is my time to explore what I would do if I wasn’t afraid.
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January 3, 2016, I sent an email to 66 friends from CGD. In it, I wrote about falling in love with the Eiffel tower, spinning around in circles, and the entwined history of luggage and travel.
July 1, 2017, another email from CDG. This time to 322 people. I wrote about an early morning walk through Paris, about going between a social whirl and being alone.
In between, 70 of these. Postcards, love letters, something in between. I call it “Where the Hell is Cate”. It is an art project, an embracing of the transient, a map of the path taken, a musing on the in between. Most of them from airports, two of them from shipping ports. One from a train station. The subject line just the code. A handful sent from places. A letter from Pablo Escobar’s abandoned mansion, the one with the hippos (Hacienda Nápoles). In one I told the story of the kettle I left in Australia… I called it “Home”.
There’s a format. One picture – I’ve found I look at the world, experience photography differently, when I am trying to pick out only one. One favourite thing – a reminder to find the unique experience, the best moment of appreciation in every place. An essay. In the first letter I included this idea of “unexpected joy”. When I flew out of LHR after the Brexit vote, I forgot to find the piece of happiness. When I arrived at EZE still shaken from seeing a corpse on the street the night before I had nothing else to say. When I flew out of BUD, I shared a cab with a random woman, who turned out to be a friend of a friend and there was no essay. Each exception has it’s own story.
When you travel a lot, especially when you travel a lot for work, it’s easy for everything to blur, to lose sight of what you love about it, to decide to explore next time rather than right now. The act of choosing a favourite thing, the act of appreciation, connects me to the place and time.
Sometimes it’s easy. When I saw a giant sea turtle lay eggs in the middle of the night (SJO). Or when I edged around a rubbish dump, walked along an abandoned runway, and found myself standing on an abandoned WWII lookout point at the edge of an island that felt like the edge of the world (FUN). When my friends and I snagged last minute tickets to the Harry Potter play (LHR). Sometimes it’s hard to choose or describe. The river of five colors (LMC). Guatapé, the view from the top of El Penol, or the beautiful, eerie, abandoned La Manuela. The owl cafe – or the hedgehog cafe – or the bunny cafe (HND). The aquarium, or finally seeing the DMZ from the other side (ICN). The month I spent skiing every morning before work (TCL). My birthday adventure (MXP).
And sometimes it’s hard to find a moment of joy. When the startup I was working at failed, and I packed up my life (MDE). When I said goodbye to my east coast home (EWR). When I was being stalked and threatened (SEA). When I visited the ghost of the life I left behind (SYD).
It’s easy to start selling on social media. Selling an idea of a life we’re not really living. We’re not really that happy, or that angry, or that good– not all the time – life is made up mostly of in betweens. A blog post always needs a point. A thing to take away. I need to succeed in public, on the internet. As my “followers” have ticked upwards, my ability to be myself has slid down. My photo blog would lead you to believe I lead a charmed life – and in many ways I do – but the nuances of that are more safely explored in another place, without a character limit, or a “like” button. A place to be imperfect, and incomplete.
At the end of each one, I include a postscript.
People write back. By email. By Twitter. By iMessage. By GChat. In person. They join me on my adventure as it ends, or sometimes weeks later – that’s the nature of email. Sometimes people write me an airport goodbye, as they begin – or end – an adventure of their own. Often these are my “IRL friends”, the reason why this started, who I’m closer to as a result. We plan our next adventure, and exchange snippets about our lives. The burden of keeping a correspondence is high, and so we embraced the “ambient awareness” of social media. But this project has created a new kind of space, where we correspond without pressure, and we know there will always be this prompt to resume. Another airport. Another adventure. Another story. Another goodbye.
Sometimes they are internet friends. I went straight from ORD to meet friends for dinner. One of them had hired a designer, given her a brief, and made stickers. She put them in a card, with a lovely message. It was the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever done for me, and this project – that grew out of postcards I sent my friends – was paper once again.
And sometimes they are strangers. One of them called me his “imaginary friend”. Another wrote me this:
I created this project to stay in touch with my friends, to create a space to be real – vulnerable – long form. Whilst it hasn’t grown in scope, the meaning has grown beyond what I ever imagined. It’s given me a different format, helped me grow as a storyteller and a writer. It’s prompted me to step back and see how I’ve grown as a person.
There are three letters total from CDG. The first, the most recent, and one other. In that one, I talk about how I found my friend Natasha at the Gare Du Nord. I sent a letter from SXP and she realized we were both on trains, heading to the same place, at the same time. We got something to eat, and walked underneath the Eiffel tower and along the Seine to the miniature Statue of Liberty.
Now she’s in Thailand, and I’m in Colombia. But soon, we’ll be reunited in NYC. And she’ll know I’m coming, because I’ll send an email with subject: MDE.
According to Air Canada, I racked up 89,121 miles this year. I don’t know how accurate this is, because it includes bonus miles and excludes a number of flights – including a flight I had rebooked from Seoul after a delay (somehow no-one has a record and I never got the the points – grr), and round trip from the UK to Tuvalu (miles / different airline).
