Accidentally in Code

Tag: women in tech

Male Allies and GHC

Credit: DeviantArt / DubiousOrchid

This year will be my 5th year at GHC (Grace Hopper Celebration, the annual conference for technical women from the Anita Borg Institute), my first speaking, and my first in my new post-corporate-job life. It’s been blocked on my calendar since last year, and there has been a long lead time, which means I made the transition from corporate job to independent knowing that GHC was going to be expensive as a result, but deciding that it was worthwhile and not worth delaying the rest of my life over.

There are a few things that have irritated me about the process for speakers. Mostly, I think, around ensuring that people are prepared. You have to send your slides in advance, and use their slide template, etc. Speakers don’t get free, or even discounted, tickets. Which is fine when you work for Big Tech Company, but as an independent is pricey. Students speaking have loads of scholarships available to them, and universities to sponsor them.

A common thread I hear from friends is that GHC is for students, or for really senior women (I managed to get into the Senior Women’s forum once, and the women I met were amazing). What if you’re in between? And it’s aimed at companies, because it’s a recruiting machine for women and most tech companies throw money at recruiting more women to the pipeline full of acid rather than actually doing anything about the acid.

I’ve sympathised, and defended, explained my approach to being pickier about what talks I attend, and making the most of the women that I meet up with every year. I quit corporate feminism over a year ago, so last year I went incognito – I wore nothing branded with the company I worked for, I did not interview, I did not spend time at the booth. This was a different experience than previous years and one that I needed, but I know women at other tech companies where recruiting and being constantly branded is the price you pay for the ticket.

It’s become harder and harder to defend. And now, there’s going to be a male allies panel, this is the last thing – it is about companies, not about the women who suffer in them. And I’ve been tweeting about this, so here’s my long form take.

There’s a lot of discussion about women in tech, and there’s this constant refrain of “what about the men” and I am tired of hearing it. It’s not about the men. It’s about women, and other minorities (who have it far worse). The fact that (some) men have made this, like everything, about them is illustrative of the problem.

The men who get it need to talk to the ones that don’t, and you don’t find many that don’t get it at at a conference of 99% women. Last year, as part of “the Australian contingent”, there were 3 guys with us. They came to listen. And for once, they were the minority.

I actually agree with Shanley, (I paraphrase), the system is broken and what we need to do is burn the system down.

But if we’re not ready to burn yet (and with men in charge, will that ever come?) maybe we can keep pushing on the system to make it a little less broken, but this is how we survive, and stay – for now. Within this, there are two separate things: how do we make the line between being a bitch and a pushover wider, and how do we walk it more effectively. Lean In (Amazon) is mostly about walking that line more effectively. There’s space for that, and people who may find it useful, but it’s not the whole story.

There are different classes of problems in Diversity. Easy is fixing your marketing materials. Easy is throwing money at recruiting.

Moderate is throwing money internally (training, minority groups), because (some) men will complain “it’s not fair”. Moderate is handling egregiously gendered interactions, sexual harassment, words use to and about women, and only women. The more blatant versions of “get back in the kitchen”, usually served with a side of poor understanding of biology.

Hard is promoting the qualified woman when there is also a qualified man. Hard is dealing with the more subtle gendered interactions – when he repeats everything she says in a meeting, for example. When she doesn’t get to say anything in the meeting, because he answers everything for her. When he publicly undermines her. Gendered performance feedback.

Extra hard is taking the woman whose belief in herself has been stamped out of her by all the things that were never dealt with, because they were too hard, finding her a good manager, a good project, and helping her rebuild her self-confidence. Extra hard is being a sponsor, believing in someone who The System has told so loudly she doesn’t belong that she has come to believe it.

Within this, there are different levels. It’s easy to deal with egregiously gendered things, but do you have to have them pointed out to you or do you notice? The same within the subtle ones.

Some people are still stuck on the easy problems, but at GHC I’d like to think that we could focus on the hard problems. And the thing about the companies represented on the male allies panel, is there is little evidence to suggest they have moved past the easy ones, and one of them only managed that in the last year.

Two of them have not released diversity data (although I did get some info in response to this tweet). The other two have 15 and 17% women in tech roles respectively, and do not clarify the definition of tech so it may well be broader than the Eng/UX/PM that has been decried elsewhere.

Alan Eustace is from Google, and I used to work there so I know that he is a fantastic ally. He’s the only man who I have ever taken advice from on dealing with the emotional toll of women in tech stuff, which is because he is the only man who has ever offered advice on the topic that wasn’t just telling me how to feel.

But. Even with that, the numbers are terrible. If the experience for women was better, the numbers would be.

So what is this panel going to be? Is it going to be discussing how you can care so much, and work so hard, and achieve so very little because the entrenched problems are too great?

Or is it just going to be a celebration of managing the easy things. Of crawling over that exceptionally low bar of sexist marketing materials. Of focusing on the pipeline rather than the women who are already here. Or I should say, at the expense of the women who are already here, because it takes up their time, and corporate feminism takes it’s toll.

GHC could do better. GHC could do the hard things.

Edited October 2nd to clarify what GHC is.

October 1, 2014
The Day I Leave The Tech Industry

Credit: Flickr / Fred Seibert

I know that this will happen, that one day I will have had enough, and I will leave. It’s something I think about on a regular basis, and wonder, what will I do after? Will I move to a cheaper city and make things, consult, and hope to make ends meet? Will I retreat still further, live up a mountain, never speak to a nerdy boy again? Make pronouncements on the tech industry from afar, if I feel so inclined. I ask myself, if I travel enough now, will I one day feel like I’ve seen enough of the world, be content with a smaller life?

I wonder, what it will look like. Will I leave my laptop in a unisex bathroom, with a note that says “this is a men’s bathroom“? Will I carefully print a letter on headed notepaper and leave it on my desk with a postit that says “mansplain this“? Will it just be the slow fade to the day that one of the bars on my gilded cage is loosened, when I decide that whatever amount of money that is there is finally enough, and that I can finally break out?

We joke about it, other women and I, what we will finally do when we leave. Become a barista. Go back to school. “Pull a disappearing act“, one friend says, leaving it to me to explain the chaos she left behind. “Not if I get there first“, I reply. We talk about our escape funds. A feminist hacker commune in Berlin.

Remember that April Fools joke from a woman that she was quitting the industry? The thing about humour, is that there needs to be the element of the unexpected. Nothing unexpected there. Today it is you, tomorrow it could be me. We are careful about who we trust to vent to, sometimes we’ve made mistakes and learned the hard way who cannot be trusted. Look for those who can, who we know will let it go no further, because today it is me, tomorrow it could be you.

We talk to each other about the grey areas, where something happened to make us uncomfortable. Maybe there was an element of truth to it, but it seems disproportionate. We agonise about how to be fair. Well yes, he did say that, but he means well, and to be fair... I’m so tired of people – men – who mean well, and their casual undermining.

I wonder, do we leave because of the big events? Maybe not, fuelled by righteous anger, pure straightforward knowledge that what he said, or did was so far out of line that nothing you did could have merited it. That guy, that guy, we won’t let him win.

Maybe the people we need to, will even take our side in that one. Maybe we will actually be protected.

Of course, that guy will be too. He, his career, will be just fine.

That guy, he probably won’t get me. The system, that might. I wonder, if it’s the grey area that is more likely to drive us away. That will make us feel more crazy, more alone. The thousand tiny cuts that make up life as a woman in this industry. Which are so hard to talk about, because these become conversations about their intentions, rather than my feelings of alienation and insecurity.

Someone, a man actually, once told me that the effect of a communication is more important than it’s intent.

The day that I leave the tech industry, the last thing that drives me away… I expect the intent will be helpful, perhaps benevolently paternalistic. The effect, the effect will be the last straw, the handing in of the security badge, and the new adventure to find a new way to fill my days and pay the bills.

Some people say that women leave the tech industry because babies. I don’t believe it for a minute, and the external data disproves it too. But if it wasn’t safe to be honest, what a great excuse. What else would one say, “it was one mansplain too far“?

One day, I will leave the industry. There’s this red curtain in my future, and I don’t know what is on the other side. Some days it looms close, scarily imminent, other days it is nicely, abstractly, further away.

A certainty, like death, taxes. One day I will leave. I don’t know what will be the last straw, although I might tell you, if I was sure I could trust you, what weighs down the balance. I don’t know what I will do after, or when it will be.

I just know that it will happen.

July 28, 2014
5 Guys You’ll Meet in the Tech Industry

Credit: Flickr / GabeB

The Faux Feminist

This guy will tell you that he thinks there should be more women in tech, but balks at the idea of actually… doing anything about that, and any conversation on the topic somehow goes in the direction of what is fair for the men.

He doesn’t think there should be “special” scholarships for women, for example. He’ll often support the “pipeline” argument, in so far as he never needs to take a critical look at his own environment.

He might complain about a misogynist comment a guy made near him, but he’ll never actually call them out on it. If asked, he may say that women can fight their own battles, after all they don’t want doors opened for them anymore.

The Misogynist

This guy will call women obscene words, rate them on the desirability rather than their professional skills. He’s the kind of guy who will hit on the intern. Almost every woman he works with will be deemed incompetent, maybe one will have the dubious honour of his grudging approval. Because she’s not like all those other stupid b*tches.

His friends will say, oh that guy. They’ll tell you, don’t take it so personally. Maybe they will diminish it because no-one likes that guy or rationalise that he is only joking.

He’s not really joking.

The Insecure

He’s paranoid that he shouldn’t be where he is, and could well be right. Looks for every opportunity to demonstrate his brilliance, but lack of ability and/or social awareness means his strategy is often to undermine those around him who he perceives to be weaker. If they succeed, they are seen to be taking something from him.

The already marginalised are a good target – presumed competence and rationality is on his side, after all.

It’s not an -ism, really. It’s survival of the fittest.

The Arrogant

This guy will be ~~obnoxious~~ kind enough to ~~bore you with~~ share with you his incredible ~~mansplaining~~ wisdom that you are ~~unfortunate~~ lucky enough to be near.

If you don’t listen to him, you’ve been ungrateful and he will be offended. It won’t occur to him that you might disagree; you must not understand.

If you don’t seek out his advice, you’re being unfriendly and disrespectful.

The Decent Bloke

This guy is focused on his own success, and his own life and isn’t caught up in other people’s opinion on him. He’s getting stuff done and is generally liked.

He’s sympathetic, but doesn’t really understand what you’re complaining about.

July 23, 2014
Some Things I’m Tired Of Hearing From Men About Women in Tech

Credit: DeviantArt / Noxypia

1. Ideas.

I am convinced that some men think that the reason why we don’t have more women in tech is because they haven’t thought about it yet. They are wrong. But they don’t know that so they make suggestions, sometimes not terrible suggestions, suggestions that are backed up by extensive literature and research… that they haven’t read.

Sometimes they try and give me things to do, and people to talk to. Like the problem is that I don’t do enough. They are wrong about that too.

2. “It’s getting better”

Actually, no. The numbers have been declining since the 80s [see graph in Julia’s slide deck, which is full of other great info]. And if they think that things are better because there are more female interns working (and sometimes being sexually harassed) in the office, I’ve covered that before.

3. “This happens to men too”

Oh please yes, let’s talk about the many, many inequalities that white men in tech face on a daily basis. These minor disappointments must seem really harsh in a life of constant and unappreciated privilege.

Yes, the constant demands to be a visible woman, mentor this intern, give that talk, host that event, the incessant casual undermining and occasional headline incident suffered whilst constantly smiling and being nice totally compare to that one time when no-one cared that you did that refactoring. Totally

4. “Babies”

Firstly this is not true (women leave the tech industry at a higher rate than they leave Science and Engineering) [5 reasons why women leave, this is #5]. Secondly, I thought we talked about this being a flexible industry that’s great for everyone. Did that tagline change to “no worse than Wall Street?” I must have missed that memo.

5. Fear and Tone Policing

The angry Feminist is unlikely to do any harm to your career. The last idiot who got fired for after calling women the C word was bragging about how easy it was to find another job the next day.

And most men who call women the C word do just fine.

The problem isn’t my tone, it’s structural fucking inequality. Put that in your pipe, and set yourself on fire.

July 9, 2014
Another Rant About The “Pipeline”
©Copyright David Medcalf and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence

Let me paint a picture for you. A woman presents something related to women in the tech industry to an audience of mostly women. She invites the audience to share their opinion of what the issues are. A man cuts her off, because he is so desperate to share his opinion with everyone. He says, it’s the pipeline. Schools. Universities. Etc.

Wonderful. Because, you know, I often feel like what we are missing here is a man’s opinion.

That is sarcasm. I never think this. Many of them are desperate to offer it, all the time, and it is invariably the pipeline. The pipeline. Because they are comfortable talking about it, because it is so much easier to look far out and criticise than it is to look closer and critique yourself, your environment, and the culture that you shape.

I’ve been pretty vocal about my frustration with the pipeline argument. Which sometimes makes people think that I don’t think we should focus on the pipeline at all. This is not true, I think it is necessary but not sufficient. I think in 10 years we will be having many of the same conversations, and all these men will be saying “Oh it’s a mystery, we invested all these resources in the pipeline and it wasn’t enough! Who knew?” We know. We have all the data to say it is not enough. They are just choosing to ignore it.

My three main frustrations.

1. It’s a Distraction

40% of women drop out within 10 years, and the pipeline is used as a reason to never talk about that. Gloss over the attrition, and let’s focus on The Big Picture. Don’t bother me with your Petty Little Details. And yet, why does it never come up that the numbers have been declining since the 80s?

I spend a lot of time with engineers, and I tell you: if I told them that I had a system and 40% of the data was just inexplicably falling out and proposed that the fix would just be to pump a bunch more in? There would be an outcry. If I had an issue where 40% of one of my resources kept going off-line, and proposed that we just keep allocating extra of that resource and hope that it fix itself over time? They would try and have me committed. They would want to know what the hell is wrong with me, and why I wasn’t looking at that glaring issue. They would object to the resource cost and wastage.

And yet women. No, let’s focus on making that pipeline bigger. That will solve everything.

2. It’s Half the Story

The pipeline argument says that society discourages girls from pursuing STEM careers, because they have no role models, because the school system is broken etc etc. Boys and men grow up in this same system. It’s the one that creates an environment where they send emails like this.

And yet, they graduate, get a job and at 22 are somehow completely egalitarian? Ha. Just not true.

The pipeline drives women out, but it also teaches men that women are not welcome.

3. It’s Easy

The pipeline argument is an external thing, you can point at it and use it as a reason as to why you can’t do better. You can throw money at it, and that money can actually be pretty effective.

You don’t have to do the hard work of looking at your system, your culture, critiquing it, and changing it.

Much easier to get a 16 year old girl to be excited about technology, than be there and support a 30 year old woman who has been so undermined and marginalised she has no idea what a healthy work situation looks like.

Changing the Conversation

There’s this reluctance to talk about what drives women away. These entitled white men, they won’t admit they are at fault here.

Let’s reframe it, and talk about how you give women a reason to stay. Three questions:
1. Are you doing meaningful work?
2. Do you feel appreciated?
3. Do you feel respected?
These seem like a low bar for an industry that prides itself on world changing innovation in great working environments. And yet. I know very few women who could give a resounding yes to all three.
June 11, 2014
Sponsors, Mentors and Allies

Credit: Wikipedia

I don’t think we talk enough about sponsors in general, whereas at every woman in tech event, oh, another mentoring opportunity.

I’m all set for mentors, and have enough women who I offer support too that I can’t actively look for more. They are super helpful, but as I observed to the fabulous Jo Miller recently, “mentors give me perspective, but sponsors give me opportunity.” Sometimes we need to stop letting ourselves be over-mentored, stop trying to make ourselves feel better and find coping mechanisms to handle whatever situation we happen to be in… and instead find a better situation.

Sponsors help find that situation.

Sponsors can also be mentors, and they can be allies, but here’s the thing. They don’t have to be. Usually it may be better for them not to be the person you offload all your crazy on – that’s what your mentor is for (or even better! A friend).

And most importantly, they don’t have to be allies. It’s great if they are, but if I think about the sponsors who have done good things for my career of late, at least 2 out of 3 have no idea what a microaggression is. One of them persists in thinking that the grammatical problems of “they” outweighs the problems of “he”. Obviously I disagree with him on that point, but I also think that for me the good things that he’s done outweigh that particular issue.

Larry Summers, I think, is one of the best examples of this. Said some very damaging things about women’s aptitudes for STEM, but was an excellent sponsor for Sheryl Sandberg.

Ultimately, sponsorship looks like this. There’s an opportunity, and a white dude wants it, because there is always a white dude that wants it. But the sponsor advocates for the woman, or other marginalised person, who they believe will be better at it, who deserves this opportunity.

It’s not that white dudes have what they want, and other people get what’s left over. Because what is left is mostly junior, and often thankless positions (see also: the Joan of Arc CEO). Sponsorship is about having power, and using it to advocate. White men have been doing it for each other all along. They don’t have a special word for it, because for them it’s mostly just “going to work”.

And I think this is the hardest part for managers in the tech industry to grasp, however enlightened. Is that diversity means that if white dudes have to start competing with the rest of the population, it won’t always “just happen” that they are the best for the job. Sometimes they won’t be. Maybe, they never were.

A woman, or other marginalised person, will be instead.

Note: like many such things in the tech industry, women have it bad, but other marginalised groups (especially as one of my friends puts it, “multi-norities”, e.g. women of colour) have it much worse. One advantage white women have in this situation (of many) is they sometimes remind older white men of their daughters.

April 16, 2014
The Bubble in The Swamp

Credit: Wikipedia

I watched the GitHub fallout the other week, and was particularly stuck by this tweet, apologising for defending the culture to feminists.

Don’t we all do that? Say that where we are is fine, but there are these general problems. I think there are two main reasons for that. 1) It’s politically infeasible not to, 2) we actually believe it.

The first one is self-explanatory. The second more interesting. Because to believe that, it doesn’t actually have to be true. We can rationalise in any of a thousand ways, pretend it’s not really happening, that that particular event wasn’t actually sexist, we just got unlucky. It just happened to be us that got in the firing line. Yet it just happens to be us, or other women (or other marginalised people), a lot. Because if you really believed that where you were was like that, that you had to sprint up a hill whilst guys mosied on past you on the flat, how would you cope? How would you get out of bed every morning and go to work so you could do more, for less than your “peers”?

What I’ve been thinking about most of all lately, is that it just can’t be true. There cannot be some little bubble of paradise in the sexist swamp. It still impinges.

And that is without talking about the extra emotional labour of bubble-maintenance.

The Membrane is Permeable

We’re not in stasis. The bubble is growing. This means people are going to come in. And here’s the thing; a misogynist surrounded by men, is just a man. Usually, of course there’s the odd one who will come out with a level of objectification that even other (non-ally) men will notice. But sometimes, you learn a lot about a guy the first time they encounter a woman at work, especially if there is any kind of disagreement. And there are totally reasonable things to disagree about! Like code standards or design. It happens. It should happen. If we’re all on the same page, then we’re not really challenging ourselves to build something new and awesome.

This is why you want women to interview candidates, not a perfect system as people are on their best behaviour when they interview. But if there is any kind of suggestion that someone has an attitude to that interviewer, I’d suggest having them interview again with another woman.

Just to be clear though, this strategy does not make for an equal experience. Depending on numbers, there may be a significantly higher interview load on the women. And they are much more likely to have bad experiences as interviewers. Not the candidate bombed the interview, although that is never fun. But things like: the candidate hit on her, or patronised her, or just (the classic!) thought she was the recruiter.

Stereotype Threat

There’s an amazing book about Stereotype threat, called Whistling Vivaldi (Amazon). But here’s an extremely short summary of the problem I’m talking about. When society sends so many messages telling certain groups people they don’t belong in certain places, anything that reminds them of that actually reduces their performance.

A big issue for me is when I feel that someone (a man) is patronising me. It gives me massive stereotype threat and makes me really stressed. I don’t mean answering questions and being helpful. I mean things like jumping in before I’ve asked a question, second guessing everything I do, assuming that I don’t know anything about something I’m an expert on…

And can we talk here about the trope “oh that guy, he’s a jerk to everyone“. Firstly – are you sure? Does he seem just a little more vicious/entitled/whatever when it comes to women? Or anyone he perceives to be an easier target (see also: interns, other marginalised groups). Second, stereotype threat. Does his behaviour re-enforce the message of not being welcome?

Behaviours that have traditionally been gendered are disproportionately upsetting to women, even when they are inflicted by an equal-opportunity jackass.

Participating in the Outside World

For women on the internet speaking her mind, rape threats are an expected response. Going out in the world, and to conferences, personal safety is a major concern.

Personally, I choose to take these risks (within reason), especially speaking up online because I don’t seem to get anywhere near as much grief as many of my friends do. But I understand women who make the decision that either of those tradeoffs are not worthwhile, or pick their battles. I stay as far away as I can from the atheist community, for example.

The Padlock is Sturdier

In the tech industry, we can joke about golden handcuffs (stock options that vest over time) and gilded cages (the perks that render us unfit for for the adult world).

But for guys venturing out into the swamp, looking for a change of scene, their restruction in this regard is what are they willing to watch? And, as most men live in blissful oblivion of the issues that women and other marginalized groups face, this doesn’t seem like a huge hardship.

For women it’s harder. Better the devil you know. At least they haven’t … yet. Who knows if it will be better elsewhere.

Here is a good article from a man talking about male privilege in technology, some points of which are very relevant to this.

April 2, 2014
Life After Burnout

Credit: Flickr / PhOtOnQuAnTiQuE

I’m currently in what I would describe as a post-burnout-phase. The memory of being burnt out is vivid, and I fear going back there, but I’m doing OK and even cautiously optimistic about the future. Sometimes I resent the cost, and sometimes I just feel so grateful to be in this better place.. and usually, something in between, a bittersweet mix of the two. Shared by my friend, who tells me she misses me like crazy, but she’s so glad I’m doing better.

Burning Out

When I look back at where I was, I wonder how I thought that was bearable. Dreading having to start the day, every morning, although some more than others. Walking home in tears, more often than not. Desperate to escape, but feeling trapped by work permits and my identity being so tied up in things that I did, rather than who I was (am). Getting smaller and smaller in what I dared to do because everything seemed to be somehow wrong and then nothing I’m doing is meaningful, or appreciated, and what am I doing here anyway, again?

The thing about being at my lowest, is that I had lost the ability to fake it, to believe in myself just enough to try. I just got so flat, accepted that nothing good would come, and where do you go from there? Nowhere.

Until I hit this place of “I cannot do this anymore” is that it forced me to come up with something that I would want to do, instead. And a plan, to work towards it.

Getting Away

I looked at the data about what helps women succeed in this industry, and then found that. Specifically – I looked for someone who would look out for me, and be a sponsor. I arranged it, and then I ran away.

I wasn’t sure if I would come back.

So I set myself some goals of things to build, and to write. Which I missed, by a long way. And I arranged some places to visit. Maybe over-scheduled myself, somewhat, too much so to be creative.

But – I recharged. Started to feel joyful again. Exploring gave me reasons to want to get up every morning, again. I started to connect to who I am rather than things that I did, and to contemplate living without them. Got used to being alone, again. Because my life in Sydney was the hardest thing to leave. A casualty of the flames.

To not be an expat anymore, to return to a country that is technically “home”, but doesn’t feel like it.

The Present

I remember the feeling the morning when I realised that I wasn’t dreading the day ahead. I’ve yet to come home in tears. After a rough week I had a moment when I contemplated giving it all up, and knew that if I did, I would be OK.

Sometimes something reminds me of the things that drove me to that point, and I want to panic. But I try and remain outwardly calm at least, and remind myself that I already met the minimum goal I set for myself. That this experience is not that one. I convince myself that it will be OK, and so far, it has been.

Of course, one day it might not be. But the clock that was going double time has slowed. This less frantic drum beat, makes me less frantic to have good things right now, yesterday. I can work with OK. An extra few beats does not herald an explosion, it was just a bad day, and tomorrow will be another one.

Try again.

It’s weird, going past the milestones. The first time I felt appreciated – gave me a warm glow for days, still does, even. The first time I did a women in tech event – terrified because I had to be “on”, worried because I have nothing good to say about the experience of women in this industry, still… and I had a great time. Talking to school kids, panicking because I’m an appalling liar and being positive felt like it would feel like lying… and then realising that it didn’t, that it wasn’t. Putting something I’d done out there, afraid that I was behind, worse than everyone else… and realising that wasn’t the case at all.

I think though, the same way that you never fall in love again like the first time, because the first time you give yourself fully and optimistically in a way that it’s never possible to do again… Now, I keep something back. Make an effort to maintain my “side” interests, and projects so that they’ll be there when I need them. Keep in mind the plan, which is not a lifetime of casual misogyny, but a life that I define, and things I want to create.

Not being on a work-permit helps the way I thought it would. I feel less trapped. It’s easier to be happier in a place where you don’t feel like you have to be.

Of course, it’s also easier to be happier in a better place. I’m lucky to have found one.

March 31, 2014
Women in Tech: A Primer
It seems like I am often giving well-meaning men (and sometimes women) a basic overview in the issues women face in the tech industry. I wrote something along those lines the other week, but here is something more comprehensive.

It’s a Societal Problem

Let’s start with the most horrifying finding – more parents encourage their daughters to be actresses than engineers (in the US). This is to career advice what “buy a lottery ticket” is to financial planning.

Meanwhile, female teachers who are anxious about math, may pass that anxiety on to their female students. Girls brought up doubting their ability, being praised for “being good” rather than “working hard”, find it harder to take the growth mindset that STEM requires (for more on fixed vs growth mindsets, see Carol Dweck’s work – Amazon).

This is the kind of thing that socialises girls out of STEM, and it’s not like the toy industry helps – how is it, in 2013, LEGO adding a female scientist is exciting? People talk about neurological differences, but what the neuroscience measures is not possible to split out from the socialisation. I.e. you can’t measure nature without accounting for nurture – this is what is explored in depth in Delusions of Gender (Amazon).

For a shorter explanation, you can see my friend Terri‘s presentation How does biology explain the low numbers of women in computer science? Hint: it doesn’t.

Universities Have to Change

Carnegie Mellon now has around 33% women graduating in Computer Science. They overhauled the curriculum, admissions process amongst other things – a process detailed in Unlocking the Clubhouse (Amazon).

Harvey Mudd is also doing incredible things and is now nearly 40% of graduating students in Computer Science are women.

Redesigning first year curriculum so it is more inclusive (i.e. doesn’t expect that students have been coding since they were tiny) is key. Universities, and particularly first year lecturers, have to be willing to do the work here, and rewarded when they do. These examples are so visible because they are the exception and not the norm.

Yes, the redesign benefits women, but it also benefits the men who don’t identify with the hard core hacker stereotype.

In the Workplace

Women drop out from STEM from the age of 5. But in the workplace, there are a surprising number of women at lower levels, it’s at mid-career that women leave… and don’t come back.

It’s not because they are having children. So all the discussion around work-life balance, and support for working mothers will only get us so far, and it’s not to where we need to be.

Women leave because they don’t see a clear path to success. They leave because they feel isolated. But mostly, the biggest reason they leave is because they are tired of the casual sexism (63% of women in STEM report being sexually harassed), and the micro-aggressions.

They leave because risky behavior patterns are rewarded – saves the day in a crisis gets more recognition that made sure there was never a crisis in the first place.

A woman cannot survive a failure. So they become risk-averse in a culture where risk is rewarded. [Source]

Companies try to address these issues (in particular the isolation) with mentorship, but what is more effective is sponsorship. The promotion of women on achievements, whilst men are more likely to get promoted on potential is also an issue.

Another issue, particularly relevant to the tech industry, is that the idea of meritocracy actually increases displays of cognitive bias.

Women Don’t Ask (Amazon) is an amazing look at how women are socialised not to ask, and the effects when they do. Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In (Amazon) is a good look at the issues women face in the workplace, the ways in which we hold ourselves back, but also the ways in which the environment does.

In Wider Internet Culture

If you haven’t read danah boyd’s account of her experience at the Web 2.0 Expo, read it. Then, consider how Kathy Sierra quit the internet. In case you think that things have changed since then, look at the reaction when it was revealed that the creator of “I Fucking Love Science” is a woman. Now see this (read upwards).

That is the context for things like: speaking engagements, blogging, participating in open source.

It’s not quite as easy a decision, or experience, for women to do these things – all of which help people get ahead in this field.

One of my favourite web projects is PostSecret, which is run by a man. It’s a beautiful idea, and lovely project. But sometimes I wonder, could it be that successful if it were run by a woman? For starters, any women putting her address openly on the internet like that… I would think they were completely mad to do so.

Things To Do

Long list of doom and gloom here, but here are some actions.
1. Check your cognitive bias. Everyone has it, go take the test. The more you know about it, the more you can watch out for it. One easy exercise – go through any feedback you write on women (or other minorities) and look out for ways in which you might have allowed cognitive bias to influence your wording, or impression. Critiquing women for being less confident, too confident, not assertive enough, too assertive, or under-appreciating work for the collective are good places to start.
2. Challenge yourself to go somewhere you feel other. One exercise I have done with guys, is that I have sent them to the beauty area of a department store (inspired by going to L’Occitane with a male friend to buy a gift, and every time I turned around he shuffled out of it). Go and buy something at the makeup counter, and watch how you feel. Even if no-one does or says anything that isn’t completely welcoming, check your feelings – do you feel out of place? Uncomfortable?
3. Don’t just Mentor, Sponsor. Have a high potential woman? Can you give her an opportunity rather than just someone to talk to?
Things To Avoid
1. Don’t be defensive. Just because you “meant well” and “love women” and doesn’t mean you never made one feel uncomfortable or out of place in this industry. If a woman mentions something that she has encountered, don’t play it down. Don’t try to minimise your fault by making her think the problem is her interpretation of it. We’ve all done stuff. The thing is to be self-aware, and do better, not to compound it by denying it.
2. Don’t look to women for all the answers. Shocker – we’re individuals, and we all have a different priority list of the problems (or, some of us don’t notice them at all). I’ve tried to present this as the research, and not my opinion – but my opinion shaped how I phrased it, what got included, and what got highlighted.
3. Don’t deny the extent of the problem. The data shows that – women are just as capable, given structural changes (see the universities) can be just as successful, and yet we are so far from equal representation. That is a big problem. But, it’s made up, for the most part, of tiny, easy to dismiss problems. There is no silver bullet, there is no one thing that will be transformative.
September 9, 2013