Networking Reflections

No Drama, Please


By Maciej Dembiniok (Own work), via Wikimedia Commons

The other day, my boyfriend said to me, “One of the things I love about you is that you’re incapable of bullsh*tting. But I think that gets you into trouble, because people who do bullsh*t just assume you must as well.”

This is his explanation for my latest headache. Where I make the argument as clearly as possible, re-read what I’m saying multiple times, send it to a friend to proof, firm that I’m making the argument that 2 + 2 = 4.

And then get a response arguing with me like I’m saying 2 + 2 = 5.

And so I respond saying, no, this is what I’m actually concerned about, this is why you haven’t addressed what I’ve said.

But if someone thinks that the only reason I could possibly object is if I thought 2 + 2 = 5, and persists in thinking that despite my painstakingly constructed arguments, then there comes a point when it’s not worth reasoning with them.

I am, perhaps, excessively paranoid about being reasonable. My question when I’m upset is invariably, is it reasonable for me to be bothered by this? What is a reasonable reaction? My default reaction tends to be no reaction. It’s hide over here, rationalizing things until I have it figured out.

(I know, in some ways I seem really normal for a compsci. In others, well… I’m like this)

Anyway, I just don’t see the point of bullsh*t, drama, mind games and manipulation. It seems extremely inefficient. Why not just ask for what you want, and treat people with respect?


4 replies on “No Drama, Please”

You can’t reason with people like that. It makes my skin itch to be around people who can spin circles around the truth.

There really isn’t much a point in trying to make a connection with people whose foundations are creaky at best, but more likely wet, mooshy mud.

LOVE this – “people whose foundations are creaky at best, but more likely wet, mooshy mud.”

Sometimes the problem is that we’re using email when we should be using our voices. Sometimes, email really sucks for communicating complex ideas: it takes too long to write it, and people get so much of it that it doesn’t always receive their full attention. I’ve saved days of email-wrangling by just making a quick telephone call or going out for coffee with whomever I’m having a misunderstanding.

That’s totally true. I think the unfortunate thing is that as yet for a group of people the alternative to email is a meeting – hard to organize, geographic proximity is an issue, etc. One on one, yeah, pick up the phone or go over and see the person, totally agree. But when it’s 4+, what are our options?

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