Rebuilding

Double Decker
Credit: flickr / ViaMoi

Post-breakup, I took stock of what I was doing and decided I needed a break. I spent days in my pajamas and stopped running about. One of the things I gave myself, was the 5 season Ally McBeal: The Complete Series boxset.

I set myself a rule that between each episode I had to do something productive, theorizing that once I was done watching the show, I would be OK. My apartment would be organized and I would be over it. The productive thing between each episode? That fell by the wayside somewhat by the end of season 3. But the box set is done, and I am OK.

More than OK.

The hardest part of breaking up has not been learning to live alone, or not having my ex in my life. It’s been the friends who didn’t call. The one who – worse – discussed me with my ex and the huge argument that followed with both of them. And the scene in the restaurant when another said something completely inappropriate that I can’t bring myself to go into here.

But just under two years ago, I came to Ottawa knowing no-one. So if I have to start again from scratch, or almost, I can. And I know that even if it feels like I’m starting over, I’m not. The friends that did reach out, I value more. I have a network. I have an internship with great coworkers. I have organizations I’m involved with. I have opportunities.

So I’ve been rebuilding my life here. And it’s completely different. I sleep earlier, I eat differently, I work out more and I’m less defensive and stressed.

And, I’m focusing – guilt free – on what I will do when I graduate. I’m going after my dream job – which might take me to the other side of the world. Even if I don’t get that, there are other opportunities. I’ve had some great experiences in Ottawa, but I’m ready to leave this city and move on to a new adventure.

In fact, I’m kinda excited to do so.

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