Accidentally in Code

Tag: learning

  • On Leadership

    photo Follow the Leader
    Credit: flickr / *clairity*

    They call Extreme Blue a leadership development program. I didn’t get it at first, but by the end I did. I also started to see why I had been picked out as someone “showing leadership” – though I have so far to go there.

    It’s around that time of year when I re-read 7 Habits (Amazon) and try and internalize it. It’s become more clear to me over the past few months that this book is key to good leadership, and so this year the take-aways I get from it will be different, for sure.

    I’m not sure I see myself as a leader – more as an active participant in various communities and the debates that surround them. However having read The Leader Who Had No Title (Amazon), that is one view of what leadership is – whatever position you’re in, whatever title you have, you just work to be the best you can be.

    Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box (Amazon) is another book on leadership – one that I found completely changed the way I look at everything. It’s funny, because in a talk based on that one of my friends was irritated because it seemed like we were being given life advice – but having read the book, it’s true that it is life advice – because (I think) this view of leadership is all about being a nice, humble, respectful, and – crucially – taking ownership of the mistakes you make instead of assigning blame.

    This book shows us a world in which we are all, inside our boxes, desperately trying to justify the actions we take that are less than honorable, less than kind. If you don’t want to be such a person, you can choose to live outside your box. You can see others as humans – with their own motivations, fears, and justifications, rather than as obnoxious objects trying to take you down.

    Recently, I did something really hard. I offered to step down from a position I love and that I’m hugely passionate about. If I wanted to live in a box I could complain that this is not my fault – the situation is the actions of someone else. I have the emails that have been sent, I could forward them to everyone. I have some idea of what her justifications are, but it doesn’t matter – I can’t change them, it’s pointless to address them.

    It is difficult not to do this. After the latest trick for about an hour I was just – in shock, repeating, “why would someone do that?”.

    But – what little I have learned about leadership tells me that this is not the way to do that. All I can do is be honest, open, humble – and try to be kind. Accept that I’ve been in the box towards this person and try and be outside it.

    This is a horrible, difficult situation to be in. I try and see those as opportunities to grow, and learn. I don’t like what I’m learning about power struggles, but learning not to respond in kind? That is probably a good one.

  • Graduate School

    IRIS XV • learning to fly
    Credit: flickr / Themis Chapsis

    I went back to school because I didn’t think I knew enough to go and join the real world, yet.

    Then I got to graduate school, and realized it wasn’t the place to learn it.

    I’m not a better programmer than I was before I came. I know a little more about some things, but not a whole lot.

    But – graduate school gives your space for other things. Defining my thesis topic has give me a better idea of what interests me. I’ve been able to experiment with different presentation styles, and become better at public speaking. I found that I had something to write about on this blog – and – still incredible to me – people would be interested to read it. Discovered that I can bring something to the table in conversations about technology, and education, and the future. Expanded my horizons by teaching and presenting in French. Learned how to write better. Learned to read academic papers, they’re not always as boring as I thought. Realized that other graduate students know no more than I do. Some may even know less. Tried this being a leader malarky. Tried to find balance in my life. Experienced being an expat. Felt lost. Felt lonely. Felt a great sense of achievement when I realized I’d come over with nothing and built a life.

    Saw that the amount I didn’t know was even bigger than I expected. Realized a PhD was not the place going to help me get that knowledge.

    Gained confidence – I still don’t feel I know enough, but realize I never will. I no longer want to postpone joining the real world, in fact – I’m excited to be a part of it.

    Some people say graduate school is a terrible idea. But I’ve got as much out of it as I expected to – perhaps more – it’s just it wasn’t the type of value I was expecting.