Accidentally in Code

Tag: inspiration

  • This Week

    This Week

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    Life

    I caught up with a friend who I haven’t seen in forever, which was awesome, went to see Anchorman 2 with another, and met up with someone new – which was nice. My friend Dave took me to see American Psycho, the Musical. I also had a long hangout catching up with a friend from O-town, which was lovely.

    By the end of the week, I was completely social-ed out and retreated to the gym for some quality Cate-time. It was nice to make time for that, though, long gym sessions have been rare with the amount of flitting about I’ve been doing. I got in a bunch of cardio, went swimming 3 times, and did an anti-gravity yoga class (yay for hanging upside down) and also a regular yoga class, which sucked because the instructor was awful (1. warn people before adjusting them, 2, don’t be so forceful they fall over). But I really think however much I hate the yoga class itself, I’ll be better off if I can develop a 1-2x a week habit. So I’ll keep working on it.

    Turns out, 3 months of hotel dwelling and constantly moving and I’m hitting my limit, it has been starting to get to me! And I hate this time of year. I think some of my friends also find it hard, and I hate it when I feel like everyone I know is unhappy. I don’t think this is actually the case, but I definitely need to start drawing lines about how much of other people’s emotions I’m going to take on.

    Continuing my quest to try and learn to like London by taking pictures and appreciating things.

    Work

    I did an amazing training course with some other women from work, and also met even more female engineers on an outing, which was great. There are a lot of dudes around, and I miss the other female engineers in Sydney, so it’s helpful to work on a network here. I have to follow up in the New Year and have lunch with them.

    Finally, I started on my new team! Exciting, as I made my first server side Java change. I’m taking a bit of a departure in terms of technologies, but I think this is a good thing. I’m scared, but looking forward to broadening my horizons there.

    Places

    Spent more time in London this week – Sunday to Sunday, so more time to explore. I stayed at the Millennium & Copthorne hotel at Chelsea football club – weird location in the football grounds, terrible toiletries (no conditioner!), but otherwise comfortable. I also spent a night the Thistle Marble Arch, which was a bit shabby with too many screaming children in the lobby areas, but great location, comfortable bed and excellent wifi. They were also really nice when I showed up early to check-in, with a choice of an upgrade (but to a twin room) or to a room without a bath (turned out to be an accessible room).

    Great luck with restaurants this week, with work events I went to The Old Explorer (pub food, fine), and BB Bakery (afternoon tea! Lovely cupcakes). I went to Wahaca, different and less busy branch than Covent Garden (always tasty), checked out Jamie Oliver’s Popup diner (reasonably priced, bit heavy for my taste but good, love the dinosaur-centric decor), Cocochan (amazing, best Asian food I’ve eaten in London yet, bit pricey but I got a great 30% off Foursquare deal). For weekend brunch, I went to Bill’s as I was feeling homesick for Sydney, which was fine but the scrambled eggs are nowhere near as good as in Sydney, so that didn’t really help! And unexpectedly had an amazing breakfast at Sofra – after not finding the restaurant I was actually looking for – they bring out toast with honey and clotted cream – amazing.

    Media

    American Psycho, the Musical which was bizarre, and dark, but quite wonderful (The Doctor, Matt Smith, was quite off-key at times, but very, very sexy).

    Anchorman 2 was ridiculous, unrealistic, and horrifyingly offensive. The cinema was full of people laughing their heads off. Yes, I’m back in the UK. I enjoyed the escapism.

    Nearly at the end of Brothers and Sisters season 2, Still loving it, still great motivation for getting to the gym.

    Read Take a Look At Me Now by Miranda Dickinson, which was… infuriating. I started off finding it funny that it was set in San Francisco, where no-one has an apartment that big (ha! A single person with a spare room!), and people are not that friendly, in 8 weeks our protagonist never met an obnoxious tech worker. As if! But as the story unwound I just found the obstacles and rationalisations contrived and unconvincing. Maybe I’m just too darkly cynical for trashy novels at the moment, or anything with a happy ending.

    I finished The Power of Habit. Really good, I’ll write it up soon, and started on The Male Factor which so far seems set to be a confronting, angering, but ultimately helpful look at the game that is on.

    Links Amazon.

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  • This Week

    This Week

     

    Life

    I hung out with some new people this week, but also with my high school friend (introducing her to Dim Sum). We were by the Nelson Mandela memorial by Waterloo, which was so lovely, I took pictures of all the quotes the rotated on the projector. Simple but touching, Mandela was a wise man.

    Managed to get around to joining the gym, went for the Virgin Active Classic in Mayfair as they have the best rates of the classic clubs (which are the ones with anti-gravity yoga), although I was working out at the Kensington club, which is this little oasis of clean and calm, with an abundance of towels, which I love.

    Again, more quality time with my family, no more progress clearing out some of the junk, unfortunately! We booked tickets for Chicago the week after next, which should be fun.

    Still post-moving stuff to sort out, but my apartment is all sorted! So I’ll be moving to South Kensington at the start of January. Also started the process of switching my UK bank account to one that shouldn’t be such a nightmare.

    I miss my friends in Sydney, and the sunshine. I actually love the temperature it’s been in the London this week (about 10 degrees), but the grey is getting to me. Some days it feels like I never saw daylight. I’ve been trying to get myself excited about living in London by taking pictures.

    Work

    I think I’ve figured out what I’m going to work on in London! Meanwhile I had more meetings, caught up with a couple of Sydney interns, and also with one of my mentors – which was great, she gives great advice. This time it was to take my time deciding, and to think about what I want to do, whether I want an eng role that requires being a bit more strategic, which I think I do. Although my probable new manager did freak me out a little by saying I could be a good PM on that team! I told him I wasn’t taking a less technical role until I was 30, so we couldn’t talk about that until May 2015.

    I tweaked my prototypes (iOS and Android) a bit, worked on the design doc some more, and did a bunch of research that resulted in an extremely large and color-coded spreadsheet. It always worries me when my job involves spreadsheeting! But it was interesting.

    My patent got published! Exciting! Actually weeks ago, but I only just noticed.

    Also a bit more information on an upcoming personal project, which I’m excited about.

    Places

    I stayed at the Hilton London Olympia, which is nice – bedroom and bathroom felt spacious, although the location was a bit further out that I’d have liked. About a 15 minute walk from Earl’s Court tube station, and less than 20 minute walk to the gym which was nice. I walked into the office one day, which took a long time, and might have been a mistake as I was wearing heels (gorgeous boots I bought in Barcelona).

    Foodwise, I went to Ping Pong (tasty and not too expensive), Leong’s Legend Continues (nice dumplings but I had an allergic reaction to something), and Roka (Japanese, delicious but very expensive). Also visited a Yumchaa tearoom, which was lovely – nice ambiance, and delicious tea.

    Media

    I’m now up to Brothers and Sisters season 2, and it’s still great. I’m totally hooked! Which is surprising considering I’m rewatching it. But it is helpful motivation for getting to the gym – wanting to see exactly what happens next.

    I read Cecilia Ahern’s book How To Fall In Love. Usually I love her novels, and their charming fairy-tale quality, but this time it was the ultimate damaging fairy tale – that you can change someone. It bothered me.

    Non-fiction, I’m (still) reading The Power of Habit. So far, fascinating.

    I’ve been watching some Katy Perry videos on YouTube – I love her new single Roar, and the video for Part of Me is… very unlike the poppy upbeat tune! My friend Linda also got me into Pentatonix when I was in KW.

    Links Amazon.

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  • This Week

    This Week

    Life

    I caught up with an friend from high school, which was awesome! And a woman who I met at GHC ages ago – got to hear about her project Stemettes, which is amazing. Also went out with someone new, which was fun – we took a walk around Westminster at night, which is very pretty. Mostly I focused on finding somewhere to live, which is hopefully sorted – gorgeous lower ground apartment in South Kensington – I paid the deposit and I’ll be moving in at the start of January. Spent more quality time with my family, and working on clearing out some of the junk that has accumulated here in between me flitting about! My Tinke (Amazon) arrived! Annoyingly it has the old i-connector, so I need to buy a converter and meanwhile have to use it with my iPad and not my iPhone, but it’s really interesting. Measures heart-rate, blood oxygen levels, and “zen”.

    Work

    Work was crazy, beginning on my first day at breakfast when I started a small fire in the toaster! Of course I had a lot of email to catch up on after my break. However in between meetings and figuring out what I’m going to do next I was working on some prototyping (iOS and Android) and a design doc, which was fun. I got to catch up with my group from the leadership course I took in October, too, which was awesome. So far, the London office is great! The food is dangerously good, the people are lovely, and there are some great opportunities.

    Places

    I stayed at the Grange Rochester Hotel, which I hated. I had a tiny single, so dark and old fashioned, and they leave a nasty note on the bed every day about not smoking. I haven’t smoked anything in years, maybe ever, so that seemed unnecessarily pre-emptive. The receptionist on check-in I found quite rude as well, and they charge for internet, which is so last decade. It was supposed to be 4*, but felt distinctly… not 4*. Hopefully the hotel for next week will be nicer! Although this experience did motivate me in my apartment hunting, so that is good. Checked out a couple of restaurants, but wouldn’t go back to any of them – Noura (meh), Banana Tree (meh), Tozi (nice but quite expensive). And bars – CASK (impressive selection of beer, totally wasted on me – I was drinking pineapple juice), and Skyloft (I think the draw is the view? I forgot to look out the window).

    Media

    I’m watching Brothers and Sisters season 1 right now – at the gym, as I didn’t take any planes this week. I watched it before, I think as it came out. Anyway, it’s great, I’m really enjoying it even though I know how things pan out. It’s smart, with strong female characters. I read the new Bridget Jones – Mad About the Boy by Helen Fielding. It is sad because you follow up on the Happily Ever After, and the Unhappy Ending, but also pretty hilarious. I think if you loved the first Bridget Jones books, it’s worth reading – although not that close together, then it would be even more upsetting. Also read the new Trisha Ashley, Wish Upon a Star. It’s charming, and I’ve read a number of her books now. Like all of them though it’s a bit lacking in substance, and slightly fairy tale like – in the little village of Sticklepond, everything always works out. Was not a bad way to de-stress after a hectic week though! I spent most of Saturday curled up on the sofa reading it, and felt much better for it. Non-fiction, I’m reading The Power of Habit. So far, fascinating. All links Amazon.

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  • On Feeling Uninspiring

    A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a friend about a project she’s involved in. She was looking for me to share my “inspiring story” on being a technical woman.

    I said no. Said, got nothing inspiring to say right now. Can’t. Do. It.

    And she gave me a pep talk, and I thought about how, in a little while, I would write something that might be inspiring, about how at times it sucks to be a woman in tech, and sometimes we feel that we have nothing good to say, but that we have each other. The tech-woman mafia.

    But still, I haven’t written it. Because I still got nothing.

    And I sit and watch a panel of interns, and one of them says, “being a woman has never been an issue”, and I think, damn, when did I stop believing that?

    Re-read Women Don’t Ask (Amazon) and then wish I hadn’t, because it reminds me that women, we have to play the social game (don’t be selfish, do what is best for others) but that often it seems like being selfish is how people get ahead – you want to do something extraordinary, you’ll probably need to put that project at the top of your list. Trying to please everyone just leads to mediocrity.

    I work at a great place for women, I do. But that doesn’t mean that something doesn’t happen most days to make me feel conscious of the fact that I’m something of the odd one out. Sometimes it’s bad – like when someone asks me if I am a product manager (or, suggests I would be a good product manager). Sometimes it’s good, like when the fact that I’m not narrowly focused gets me an opportunity. Some of it is entirely in my head, like when I meet people and make a point of saying I’m a software engineer, just in case they don’t realize – guys don’t feel the need to do this.

    Point is, I have good things to say about being in tech, about my job, about where I work, about what I’m going to do next. But not about being a technical woman. I just feel burnt out, uninspired, and uninspiring. Surrounded by straight white males, playing on the easiest game setting (one of the best articles I’ve read about gender) when I’m not always even sure we’re playing the same game, period.

    Have you ever felt like this? What did you do?

    Super-early bird registration is open to GHC. I’m counting down the days.

  • Why Do You Awesome?

    Why Do You Awesome?

    Nathaniel of the soon-to-be-launched Awesome Foundation Seattle wrote a charming post about why he’s excited for it to happen asking people why they are involved in AF.

    Here’s why I love AWESOME!

    I was Instigator of Awesome @AwesomeOttawa and am currently a Co-Conspirator @KWAwesomeFound.

    I’m a software engineer, so I just need a computer and an internet connection to make things. Awesome Foundation is an opportunity to enable people who need a bit more than a laptop and some wifi to make things that are exciting.

    The people I’ve met have been amazing. The grantees – such wonderful projects. Also the other trustees – there’s something about people who are willing to punt $100 regularly on something crazy and experimental. I adore them.

    Perhaps the biggest thing, though, is that Awesome Foundation removes the bureaucracy. The money goes straight to the person and the project. No admin overhead. No buildings to pay for. Yes, it’s not tax deductible, but I think impact per dollar is way higher than for the standard non-profit model, and certainly than tax dollars.

    Ultimately, I love being part of AF because I believe that we can empower individuals to make wonderful things. Maybe some of it will be the start of something genuinely world-changing. But some projects will just make the people who see them happier – and that’s pretty awesome too.

  • Ottawa, a Love Letter

    Ottawa, a Love Letter

    Alexandria Bridge Ottawa Panorama HDR
    Credit: flickr / Intiaz Rahim

    I received something in the mail last week, and it made me really happy. It was a copy of What Would Google Do? (Amazon) and a hilarious card from the wonderful Ian at the Code Factory.

    It really made me think about how I changed as a person during the two years I spent in Ottawa. I arrived, 23, clueless about what I wanted to do and and what I was capable of. And I left, 25, sure about what I want to do next at least (a start) and so much more confident.

    Maggie and I were talking the other day and she said she thought the biggest thing I’d learned in grad school is to make the best of a crappy situation. I went to grad school because I didn’t think I knew enough to join the real world. Fairly rapidly, I realized that grad school was not the place to learn it.

    I still feel woefully unprepared for the real world, but, a lot more than I was previously. If I didn’t learn that stuff at grad school, where did I?

    From the amazing tech community in Ottawa. Mostly at The Code Factory.

    There is this great network of tech people in Ottawa. There are so many people going and doing interesting things. It’s awesome. Yes, there are a lot of government types. Yes, bureaucracy has eaten a lot of souls. Ignore them. They are harmless zombies. The real people are there, making stuff happen, creating cool things, interested and interesting. I did not, for the most part, find them in the university.

    So to Ian, thanks for creating a space where people can gather to talk tech and all the other stuff that goes on there. Thanks for generously donating that space to Awesome Ottawa and for helping us get going.

    Some other people who’ve inspired me, in no particular order.

    Chris Schmitt, of Team Camp – balancing his entrepreneurial spirit with working for The Man. Andrew Ross, of FOSSLC – I really admire Andrew’s enthusiasm, energy, and commitment to Open Source. Kelly Rusk – Kelly is amazing – she knows everyone, is everywhere… doing stuff. ALL THE TIME. She’s also one of the women behind Girl Geek Dinners. Treena Grevatt – Treena is another person who knows everyone! And I so admire her drive and energy in pursuit of the start up thing. Everyone on the board of Awesome Ottawa – and everyone who took the time to put together a proposal. I read and enjoy them all.

    Ottawa, I miss you. I miss sushi at my favorite place. I miss my kickboxing club. I miss the pool in my old apartment building. But most of all, I miss that community. Thanks for all the things you taught me. I’ll be thinking of you.

  • Maintaining Optimum Stress Level

    stress free zone
    Credit: flickr / thornypup

    At Ignite Waterloo a guy gave a talk about “Why All My Ex-Girlfriends Are Crazy”. Of course, I was dying to know why.

    The reason? They were women who having achieved at university and then started their career had got to a point in their lives where they no longer had the same level of stress professionally, so were creating it in other areas of their lives. Really, what the talk was about was that we all have a level of stress that we like to operate at and we seek out new stress if we are at a level that is too low.

    This resonated with me, to the point that when I went to the chiropractor the following week and they asked what my stress level was I said,

    High. And that’s how I like it.

    Cue two people looking at me in absolute horror!

    However, it’s completely true! Knowing this, I can be more aware of where I am creating stress and try and do so productively – i.e create stress in ways that does not negatively affect others (e.g. not by arguing with my significant other, but by taking on some new challenge instead).

    Because of this search for stress, I’m always looking for the next challenge, the next thing. When things seem too good (by which I mean, quiet, post-achievement) I worry that everything will come crashing down. Maybe that’s why I focus on what’s next, rather than what is.

    Sacha wrote a lovely post after our conversation last week about feeling like you’re living in a Greek tragedy – that things are too good and everything is going to fall apart. She is an inspiration because she thinks that things can just get awesomer and awesomer. She’s is a genuinely happy person.

    I am not. At the moment I am – optimistic, productive, energized – about what I’m doing.

    I wouldn’t describe myself as happy. I have happy moments, but I don’t know if I want to be happy in general. In fact, I worry that would kill my drive. Recently I wrote about how I’d prioritized an interesting over a happy life, and I still do. I think I fear an awesome life, because I worry that I would become complacent. Content. I’d stop jittering from task to task, inspiration to inspiration, and just be.

    Oh the horror.

    I realize that this may sound ridiculous. But I regularly have conversations with people where they say, “Cate, you do so much” and I look at them in blank bewilderment because compared to what I want to be achieving, what I think I should be doing. What I do barely registers. Because I’m always pushing forward to the next new exciting thing, the next challenge I rarely stop and take stock of what I’ve actually done.

    So I fear being happy because I fear being in this moment rather than chasing the next moment.

    Yes, OK, bizarre – but it seems to be what works for me.

    Optimistic. Productive. Energized. Sounds about optimal.

    See also: Sacha’s perspective on whether you can be driven and happy

  • You May Say I’m a Dreamer…

    Recently, I read something that said (I’m paraphrasing):

    The surest way to mediocrity is trying to be liked by everyone.

    Shortly after, I met the conspiracy theorist Mike Levin, of Unfolding Magazine to talk about Awesome Ottawa, you can read the article here.

    Follow Your Dreams
    Credit: Flickr / miss miah

    I didn’t really like the article, but I’m trying to embrace the idea that criticism or just bitchy innuendo means that we’re doing something out of the ordinary. Mike uses his 30 years of experience as a journalist as evidence that people don’t behave altruistically. I wonder when that became self-perpetuating, but to be fair I don’t think reporting tends to focus on people being nice.

    But – I would like to clarify here, that as a technologist, I take privacy seriously. My research makes public more public and as a result I graph people who aren’t spammers or public figures only with their permission. Also, as a technologist, I’m aware that the internet is often very public, and I can’t give a better warranty on other people’s data than I have on my own. I also can’t guarantee the actions of 10’s of others – the Awesome Foundation has members in many other countries, and we share information. I can say that our intent is only to publicize the winners of our grants, and perhaps those other projects that we think deserve a distinctive mention. But of course, cynics like Mr Levin can feel free not to apply to us.

    The other suggestion was one of ageism. I can’t tell you what other trustees do, but I do know for myself that when I’m looking through the grants I’m completely uninterested in anything but two fields: the proposal, and what they need the money for. It wouldn’t surprise me if applications mostly come from younger people – as a result of information flowing through social networks, more free time, or just more need for the money to fund their project, but I have no data on that.

    My feeling is, that the things we fund shouldn’t fit well in either of the following sentences:

    • I’m going to the bank to try and get a loan to fund My Awesome Project.
    • I’m going on a sponsored cycle/walk/bungee jump/whatever in order to raise money for My Awesome Project.

    Thus far, that’s the only criteria I’ve come up with.

    At the end of my meeting with Mr. Levin, he said he thought I was naive. Honestly? I was not displeased with this assessment. I’m 25 – I’ve dated idiots, had my heart broken, covered for an alcoholic co-worker and been completely disillusioned by the graduate school experience. So naive? Not in respect to love, work, or, really, people. I’m just not sufficiently cynical that I think it’s impossible that there might be 10 other people in Ottawa that can get behind this idea of ENABLING MORE AWESOMENESS.

    There seem to be a lot of people who will complain about the way things are, but not try to change them. Every month, I get together with a bunch of people who, like me, are trying to make change happen. These people inspire me.

    We may not succeed, but at least we’re trying. Some months we make make a firework, and some it may be a damp squib. I’m realistic about it – just not realistic to the point of inaction.

    So sure, call me a dreamer – but I’m not the only one.

  • I Love Love Love Being a Girl

    AN AMERICAN GIRL in YOKOHAMA
    Credit: flickr / Okinawa Soba

    I’ve been in a couple of situations recently where I felt I had to apologize for, or justify my emotions.

    I contend that’s unfair – I don’t make decisions as a result of my emotions, but I do react emotionally to events. I cry – at the news, at movies, books, at TV shows. I get upset when people I invest in disrespect me or otherwise behave badly or unfairly. I think we should! I saw on Twitter lately, someone saying that people mistake kindness for weakness. It’s true. I expect the best of people. I expect them to show up, to behave honorably, to be loyal. This has backfired on me, more than once. But having that faith in people – being an emotional creature – is what makes it possible to invest in them.

    The other day, I was having a conversation about this person who I encountered who thinks you can buy people. That’s bullshit – every healthy person knows that. I do think you can invest in people though – with your time, with your energy, and with your faith in them as human beings – and that that’s how we build relationships.

    And so I absolutely adored, and was moved and inspired by this TED talk by Eve Ensler, embedded below. It is provocative, and… and true. Why do we judge people for crying? Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been emotionally affected by something. Emotions are how we connect with one another. If we don’t cry, if we aren’t affected… doesn’t that makes us unconnected islands?

    Anyway, I’m done apologizing for my emotions. I hope the video moves you, too.

    Hat tip – Kayla who has some interesting commentary on her blog.