Accidentally in Code

Tag: expat

My Life as a White Migrant

Ever since I read this article on the use of the word “expat” being exclusive to white people from western countries, I have been thinking about my own experiences living in a variety of places, through that lense. The words we use are not the only difference.

When it comes to my immigration situation, there is what is legally true, what is in practise true, and what people believe. In particular, there is a vast difference in what is legally true and what people believe, which creates this disconnect as people make assumptions. For example I can’t visit America without people asking if I will be moving there, which would in practise be a 10-month-long legal ordeal (that can only start in January) involving lotteries etc, and then having to live in a precarious situation where if something happened to my job I would have to leave immediately.

What is Legally True: As an EU Citizen I can live and work anywhere in Europe. Anywhere else I require a work permit to stay for any length of time. This is typically tied to my employer with an expiry on when I need to leave the country should I leave that job. It’s likely I have spent enough time in Canada that it would help me obtain Permanent Residency there, but in practise they denied me health insurance for travelling too much so who knows. There are visas which allow young (<=30 yo) to live abroad, typically these are limited to a year in duration and have further restrictions on employment.

What People Believe: It is easy for me to live anywhere, particularly other “anglo” countries. Getting a visa will be a process that takes weeks, and merely a formality. Being from “The Commonwealth” makes it easy to move to other “Commonwealth” countries.

What is in Practise True: As an educated white woman (with savings) I will eventually get a visa. Countries will enforce the law when it comes to immigration but in practise will believe I am OK, let me in, allow me to transfer my visa should I find a different job.

So. Strange things arise from this disconnect. Amusingly, the only time people ever talk about “The Commonwealth” is when referencing my ability to move somewhere. Reality is, the Commonwealth is a cultural rather than a legal entity. Horrifyingly, people make racist comments about “immigrants” to me, thinking that I will agree, that I will be amused, when aside from anything else in practise I often have less right to live in that country than the people they are complaining about (e.g. the difference between PR and work permit).

Anyway, when white people say that racism is over, I think about this disconnect, about the gap between what people think and what the legal system says, about the gap between what the legal system says and the selective application – and I remember when I was trapped in Canada for months because I was given the wrong work permit. It was too good, I didn’t qualify for it, and as a result it couldn’t be renewed. This was not a problem my friends with Iranian passports were having.

A final story that captures what happens in practise better than anything else I could tell you: I was at US border control after they introduced the ESTA, but living in Canada I hadn’t heard about it and so didn’t have one. I was detained, and I sat in the detention area anxious about whether I would be denied entry to the country, and a border guy said to me, “we’re gonna let you in, we’re always gonna let you in, just sometimes we’re going to make you sweat a bit first”.

October 26, 2015
Being an Expat

Credit: DeviantArt / dare-to-be-devil

I (still) worry my life is vastly more boring now that I’m no longer an expat… but maybe returning “home” just takes some acclimatising, just as moving to a “foreign” place did. A lot of people talk about living abroad, but it’s something that people don’t always get around to. Time. Opportunity. Whatever. Or just because it’s hard.

One of the biggest things I learned as an expat was how to be self sufficient. Especially shortly after arriving somewhere. I’d have a bad day, and there was no-one in my timezone that I could really speak to.

Making friends is scary and hard, especially after university. I learned how to put myself out there, follow up, and find people to hang out with. This was so much easier to do when I was single than when I was in a relationship [I really recommend MWF seeks BFF (Amazon) for people who are struggling with this].

Culture shock is totally a thing, Every time it happened when I least expected it, and in a slightly bizarre way. In Ottawa, it was being unable to order pizza. In KW it was being unable to buy breakfast (specifically bagels and cream cheese) within walking distance of my apartment. In Sydney it was not knowing where I could find a drugstore, because (oh the irony) I didn’t know whether I needed a chemist, or a pharmacy, or a drugstore, because I had no idea which just sold beauty products, and which sold actual medications.

Living abroad made me much more relaxed about my environment. You can’t expect everything to be the same, and after living in a few different places it’s glaringly apparent that everything has good and bad, politics, food, lifestyle. I tried to embrace the good, and travel to the things that I really missed. I learned to be more accepting of things as they are. There is no greatest country in the world, but I’d find the things that I loved and were great where I was, and really enjoyed them.

The main thing I learned was to be more OK not knowing what comes next. Stepping into the unknown, expecting it to be hard. I would give myself a time frame after which I could reconsider: a year, two years tops.

Apparently one of the things I did wrong in Sydney was not buying plates. I haven’t got around to buying plates in London, either, but I do have some knives and chopping boards. I guess that is a start.

August 11, 2014
On Coming “Home”

Credit: DeviantArt / kixkillradio

A while ago, someone introduced me to the concept of “Third Culture Kids”.

“Third culture kid (TCK, 3CK) is a term used to refer to children who were raised in a culture outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their development years.”

I remember identifying with some of the aspects, of not knowing where is home, and observing, “I did this to myself”.

There have been many things that I have found weird about returning to the UK. The biggest one is, that is does not feel like home. 7 years is a long time to be away, I guess. Not that I ever identified with many aspects of British culture – the drinking, the football, the somewhat xenophobic attitude to Europe. I do, have always, identified as European. But still. I do not feel British. I also do not sound British, so whilst some people ask where I am from (“Australia?” “America?”, something that I find hilarious as in those countries people always found me extremely English-sounding), sometimes people just give me cultural tips, and express concern about how I’m coping with the weather.

But still. London is not that British a place, it is very multicultural and people from all over the world live there. It looks British, though, the architecture. The large houses carved up into oddly shaped apartments, that’s British. The weather is decidedly British.

The hardest thing for me has been to cope with this feeling of displacement, of not belonging. I loved being an expat, I loved the adventure of it and the feeling of potential. I thrived on the slight feeling of uncertainty, or opportunity – I can leave. The knowledge that I probably would. The extra thrill, when it seemed like everything in my life is in place – I came away and found this, I didn’t settle. Falling in love and thinking, I could stay for you (of course the flip side of this is the pressure it creates).

I guess when I was an expat, it was OK not to belong. Now, I just feel lost. When I was an expat, I had an idea of where I would go next. Now I wonder, is this it?

Unless I move to America, which if you work for an American company comes up regularly. I have never wanted to live in America, either.

I feel this sense of loss. Being an expat was part of my identity. As well as a sense of failure, a dash of resentment to circumstances conspiring. I feel like I used to be a more interesting person, I miss that.

I don’t know how to deal with that. It’s been 6 months. Do I grieve? I think I have. Career-wise, it’s been the best decision I have ever made. Life-wise, I still don’t know.

But I come back around to the Third Culture Kids. Yes, I did this to myself. But these feelings are normal. That is the price you pay for adventures, for knowledge – you know what’s out there, and where you are not.

May 19, 2014
Sydney, One Year On

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about when I decided to move to Sydney. The two week period in which I changed my mind every day – multiple times a day, even. I cried every day. It was a difficult decision, where to go, and it was hard to live a place that I loved, even whilst I knew it was not a forever-place.

It was, in a number of ways, a short-term decision. I thought the other option might be a better career move for me, long term, but didn’t address an immediate and pressing thing that I just knew was too important to me not to resolve soon.

And so I figured, come for a year, and see.

And as the end of that year approached… I kept thinking about why I decided to come here, what would make me stay.

I wanted the city-girl life, which I have had and is everything I hoped it would be. The apartment where from the roof of the building I can see the Opera House, and the Harbour bridge. Lots of (girl)friends, evenings out and about. Something cultural pretty much every week – either an art gallery, or the theatre.

Sydney, from when I first saw it, and still, has seemed to me the most beautiful city in the world. But, it is expensive – rent is astronomical, and being so remote so are flights. It’s far from my family. It’s far from anywhere, really, even other parts of Australia.

I’m still single, and I’ve found dating as an expat is hard, especially in the second country. The option of leaving is clearly there, and whether or not I allow myself to consider them, the questions “could this tip the balance that I would stay?” “would you come with me?” come to mind.

The biggest thing that has made me think about leaving, though, is feeling burnt out on this industry. On occasion, I walk home in tears thinking about quitting my job, running away to live up a mountain, I also find myself considering the fact that I am on a visa. If I took that off the table, would it be easier to cope with those moments? My friend was talking to me about startups, and I explain, my job is the only stable thing in my life. But, what if it wasn’t? What would that change?

There are a lot of things necessary for expat-life that I am good at – making myself feel at home somewhere new. Accepting things as they are, and not how they are in other places. And others I am terrible at – like forms and bureaucracy – this is why I don’t have a driving license right now.

I’m so glad I came here, though. I’m so glad I had this experience, saw these places, met the many amazing people who have come to be my friends. I always want to choose the bigger, more interesting life, even though that is not the easier one.

September 6, 2013
Expat Adventures in Romance

Credit: flickr / Taylor.McBride™

I’m scheduling this post for Valentines day, when I’m sure the blogosphere (and everywhere else) will be full of romance.

I’m not a big fan of Valentines day, myself. Last year I was in Japan with the Passive Aggressive, wondering if her inability to even go to the corner shop by herself would cause me to lose my mind. I sent my boyfriend a fruit basket. Before that, I was typically single for Valentines day.

This year, paper deadlines, assignment marking and mid-terms mean that it won’t be a romantic evening a deux. My boyfriend and I may not even see each other. I’m okay with that, I think it’s how someone treats you the other 364 days a year that matters. I wish we saw more of each other in general, not just on this one “special” day of the year.

Being an expat, being, in general, a bit of a nomad… makes a relationship different, I think. On the plus side, I’m more attractive because I’m a little bit exotic. On the negative, I don’t have the same support network (so depend on my boyfriend more) and in general I’m not as “fixed” in position.

My first stage of looking for a job (underway at the moment) is through connections. Because I’m international, my connections are too. I know that if I leave, we’re over – my boyfriend can’t/won’t come with right now. But I’ve never stayed anywhere for anyone – this stage in my life is not the time to change that.

This conflict is a dull ache. I’m trying to focus on getting a great job – on opportunities in Ottawa and elsewhere. Then we’ll see where that happens to be.

February 14, 2010
Expat Adventures: Getting a Car

Last Friday I bought a car – it’s winter and therefore the ski season, and I get a little crazy living in the cold if I don’t ski. Skiing is the point of living somewhere cold, I think.

On Monday I went to get my license exchanged. It was painless. I handed in my British one, had my eyes tested quickly and walked out with a piece of paper that allows me to drive in Canada. My license card will arrive in the post. You would think this would be the hardest part about starting to drive in another country, but it was not.

I’d called my insurance broker on Friday and given her the details. I followed up on Monday with my license number and the other information she had asked for. She’d warned me it wouldn’t be instant and said I might need slightly different documents, but by Wednesday she hadn’t followed up – she didn’t respond to my email asking for a progress report, nor did she answer the phone, or call me back (I left a message). This is frustrating when I’m trying to get information from the UK – if she doesn’t get back to me by first thing in the morning, it ends up waiting to the following day before the people in the UK can get back to me.

So I was getting progressively more frustrated and started looking for different insurance options – on Twitter.

Various people on Twitter were sending me the details of people they recommended, but I was getting a few dead ends – because I’m only 24 and have had my G license for 3 days… and I was leaving loads of voicemails but getting nowhere.

Argh! I really didn’t expect getting insurance to be such a nightmare. I expected it to be expensive, but for it to take days? Then this tweet showed up in my stream:

And the following morning…

I DM’d him my number and he called me back – right away. Put me through to a human (not a voicemail!) who was really nice and on top of things, and a couple of hours later…

I liked my previous broker and would have been happy to go with them for car insurance, because when I came over to Canada it was really difficult to get household insurance and they sorted me out. But – the lasting affection from that was not enough for me to tolerate waiting that long to hear back from them!

I’ve written before about using Twitter to see what your customers are saying about you (here and here). But – are you using Twitter to see where your competitors are screwing up and capitalizing on that? Smart move.

January 17, 2010
Expat Reflections

There are many things I love about Canada, but as it’s now October I should warn you: winter is not one of them. It’s so cold here that going outside feels potentially fatal. Of course, last winter (my first) was particularly bad as the result of certain situations and the 51 day bus strike (which of course was longer, because after that long they had a big maintenance backlog).

At this time of year I start to think fondly of Scotland where, no, it is not that cold (Brits say it’s cold, but after experiencing Canadian cold I can tell you we are not talking the same language of temperature) and you rarely see snow. The one time there was snow, everything ground to a halt and my Smart Car did a good impression of an ice cube.

So it’s a good time for me to be reminded of why I left the UK. The restriction of a newpaper to report (now lifted) and the news that the UK is the worse place to live in Europe. The fact that our Prime Minister did not face a vote within his party and has been in power now for over 2 years without leading his party to a general election (and has another year before he has to call one) is another good one, as is the level of national debt.

So – thanks for having me Canada. Despite the weather, I think it’s a real improvement. Just have to maintain this feeling until next April…

Snow in Edinburgh, 2007

Snow in Ottawa, 2008

October 13, 2009