Accidentally in Code

Tag: role models

  • Secret Lives of Superheros

    Secret Lives of Superheros

    Superhero's ..... (198/365)
    Credit: flickr / Steve Tolcher

    The wonderful Serena invited me to join her for a panel at a women/tech conference in October. We’re still working out the details, but essentially we’ll be talking about role models – our own personal superheros. if you will.

    Some points that I’m thinking about:

    • It’s great to see really successful women in tech, I adored Sheryl Sandberg’s commencement speech and the WSJ had an article about women at Google recently which was encouraging.
    • But what about the superheros you know who not only inspire you, but you can call in a crisis?
    • What about the superheros who call you in a crisis? I know a lot of awesome people, many of them women. I know all of them have setbacks, periods of doubt. I know all of them have failed. Knowing this, doesn’t make me think they are any less awesome, it makes me appreciate what they achieve all the more.
    • There’s always a flip-side. Failure. Weeks living on Cherios. Days with too much wine/vodka (what’s your poison?). Mornings where getting out of bed is just too much. Mostly, we don’t see them – and so being a superhero looks easier than it is.
    • Recent talk I gave, someone fabulous gave me quite an introduction. Honestly, I didn’t think I could follow it. She says, “here’s this amazing thing about Cate” and for each one I think about how that was really the result of me screwing up in some way (the flip-side).
    • So what’s your super-power? My friend Maggie called it on mine. She said, “I think the main thing you got out of grad school was learning to make the best of a shitty situation”. It’s true, my super-power might be the pursuit of an interesting life. Good things have come as a result of that – and bloody hard work.

    Core messages:

    • Superheros are everywhere (and, actually, they are human).
    • Get to know as many superheros as you can.
    • Don’t underestimate yourself – being a superhero doesn’t mean that it’s not hard, or that you won’t fail.

    Looking for feedback and ideas. Particularly, I’d love to know:

    • Tell me about your superheros. What do they do that makes you think they are extraordinary? In what ways have they struggled? What have you learned from them as a result?
    • What’s a key piece of advice you’d like to tell you at 20? (or at any point?) For me: those arrogant boys are not as good as they think they are, and you are doing better than you think.
    • What’s your super-power?

     

  • Role Models

    Credit: flickr / TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³

    Several months ago, I met someone who had been reading my blog. We had a chat, but from some things that she said I got the impression that my blog made me seem a bit too much like super-woman. I’m not, as you may have noticed, because since then I’ve tried to temper my writing with stories of failure, or general inadequacy.

    Why? Because I aspire to be a role model. We don’t have enough of them, as female programmers. The high profile ones are out of reach – I’m not ever going to be like Marissa Myer, for example. So I think what we need are the women in who are happy, successful, and in a place that we can realistically aim for.

    In the midst of some recent angst-ing, I was on chat with one of my role models and mentors. She was super helpful – acknowledged what I was getting worked up about, but then gave me some advice. Not on the basis that I should do better, but on the basis that I am better than the person who I had allowed to bother me. I can choose my reaction. I’m trying to choose a better one.

    I’m always striving to do better, and beating myself up because I don’t live up to my unrealistic expectations. And then I’m making myself feel worse by comparing myself to other people, when the situation is completely different – a factor of age, or profession, or focus, or timing. The dot-com bubble occurred when I was between 10 and 15. For much of that my family didn’t even have a computer. Of course, my career will be different from someone who was in the industry then.

    It’s easy to look for role models and think – I want X’s personal life, but Y’s career. But are we being realistic? X may have compromised on career for that great personal life, and Y may have compromised their personal life for that career. We don’t know. Ultimately, we will have to make our own choices and our own compromises and hope to be happy with the final result.

    Anyway, as I try – frantically – to graduate, I’m thinking about what I want my future to look like, and I’m looking for role models.