I’ve been in a couple of situations recently where I felt I had to apologize for, or justify my emotions.
I contend that’s unfair – I don’t make decisions as a result of my emotions, but I do react emotionally to events. I cry – at the news, at movies, books, at TV shows. I get upset when people I invest in disrespect me or otherwise behave badly or unfairly. I think we should! I saw on Twitter lately, someone saying that people mistake kindness for weakness. It’s true. I expect the best of people. I expect them to show up, to behave honorably, to be loyal. This has backfired on me, more than once. But having that faith in people – being an emotional creature – is what makes it possible to invest in them.
The other day, I was having a conversation about this person who I encountered who thinks you can buy people. That’s bullshit – every healthy person knows that. I do think you can invest in people though – with your time, with your energy, and with your faith in them as human beings – and that that’s how we build relationships.
And so I absolutely adored, and was moved and inspired by this TED talk by Eve Ensler, embedded below. It is provocative, and… and true. Why do we judge people for crying? Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been emotionally affected by something. Emotions are how we connect with one another. If we don’t cry, if we aren’t affected… doesn’t that makes us unconnected islands?
Anyway, I’m done apologizing for my emotions. I hope the video moves you, too.
Hat tip – Kayla who has some interesting commentary on her blog.
3 replies on “I Love Love Love Being a Girl”
100% agree!
I was arguing with someone recently about sexism in the workplace–though overtly it's mostly been eliminated, however, it still exists, mostly because the traits women bring to the table (interpersonal skills, emotions, empathy etc) are still not valued or seen as equal to some male traits in many job roles. We've come so far, but still a ways to go!
Kelly
100% agree!
I was arguing with someone recently about sexism in the workplace–though overtly it's mostly been eliminated, however, it still exists, mostly because the traits women bring to the table (interpersonal skills, emotions, empathy etc) are still not valued or seen as equal to some male traits in many job roles. We've come so far, but still a ways to go!
Kelly
I totally cried at work the other day, but my manager is really emotional himself, and he was really nice about it, saying it wasn't a sign of weakness – which of course, despite this post, I still felt it was at work. But it definitely depends on your situation – another manager, another team, it would have been completely different.
The thing about programming, is that what's valued tends to be impartiality and rationality. And crying does not really fit in with the image of those traits. It's all about separating the emotion, from the reaction. I.e. I might get so frustrated by my code that I cry, but I won't delete the whole thing or quit the project!